Masculine self-control

The tantra makes no moral or derogatory view on men ejaculating. In certain Taoist views, though not all, the male is ideally meant to always retain his ejaculation for spiritual and physical benefit. The tantra in general has no such belief, although some tantric sects probably do. In tantra the man doesn’t always need to retain his ejaculation, but if there is ejaculation it should be in the right time, in the very heat of the summer. Yet, since the sexual ritual can progress many times through its seasons, its peaks and valleys, the man should not ejaculate at any heat of the summer, that is, if one wants the ritual to carry on. Women will most always want the ritual to carry on and on and on, until her most deep explosive orgasm, and she has the potential for many orgasms on the way to this final one, for the time being. The tantric male will also want the ritual to carry on and on, not only for his own ecstasy but for his lover’s delight. But when the male ejaculates the ritual is virtually over, though he can, in time, recharge to resume it again. So the male must practice control of his ejaculation, for the good of his woman and the good of the ritual. If in the very end, at the last peak of summer, depending on his woman’s timing, he feels the need or wish to ejaculate the sperm, then this is fine, though it is better to retain the ejaculation over periods and days of lovemaking for the intensity of the ritual will be greater each time. Therefore, as much as possible the man should retain this from ritual to ritual, from day to day, though at some point it is healthy to actually ejaculate the sperm to release a certain accumulation of old physical and psychic substances. As a general rule, younger men in their teens and early twenties may be able to ejaculate once or every other day without feeling much effects of recharging, while as men grow older the recharging is more evident and their ejaculations can more easily wait once or every other week. Still, the sexual intensity will be strengthened as ejacualtions are held for future moments. The question, then, is how can men do this, especially in the very heat of passion. The answer is not to think of chess or some less exciting thought. The answer is not to divert oneself from the lover or the love-making passion. One wishes to avoid ejaculation while staying in the intensity of excitement and ecstasy. Why is this difficult for the man? Women especially wonder this. Most women are frustrated women, even the one’s who feel they have fairly good lovers. Many of these women succomb to the reality that they just aren’t going to get all they need from a man, so they accept this unfortunate situation. This acceptance is part of woman’s quality of unconditional loving, so they accept the man for what he’s capable of and try to make the most of it. They accept what he ahs to give and give all they can to him. This sense of loving acceptance and unconditional giving is most beautiful. Yet, man has more to give than he usually thinks possible. He is capable of more, more loving, and more knowledge of loving at its greater heights. Men can be better, more pleasing lovers, and men can attain greater degrees of intense ecstasy from the love ritual. This is woman’s hope, even though so many have given up that hope. For woman deeply long for more intensity of loving and more intensitiy of sexual enjoyment. Men need to know, once and for all, how much woman want to be loved and how much they enjoy it. And of course men want to be loved as well and have greater experiences in love-making. But the greater potential for love-making and for beyond-the-imagination ecstasy cannot be realized without at least the man having control over his ejaculation. Too many men think they have to ejaculate or that they could not possibly control it. And too many men think that sex is wham-bam thankyou mam, that it’s about getting oneself off, getting some quick genital stimulation and popping one’s cork. People even talk about sex as the big release, as though sex was all about releasing tension, so that one can then get on with more important matters of life. This is quite a negative view, this idea that sex is just a release. Sure, it can be a great release of tension, whether physically or psychically, but sex should be an experience enjoyed for its own sake and not for some other aim such as tension-release or whatever. It’s inherantly enjoyable for what it is. It’s an Experience, a very exiting and joyous experience, that is, it can be. We need to reframe our belief that sex is for something other than itself or just a way to get to some goal like orgasm or release. There are spiritual and physical benefits from sexual ritual, but the whole activity itself can be enjoyed for itself. It’s not to just get somewhere or get off. It is sacred in its own right, and we need to think of the goal of sex as the sex itself, as the enjoyment unfolding, as the fun itself, as the exploration itself, as the embracing movement itself. Get into it! And when you get into it you just want more of the getting into it. An orgasm is just one part of the whole enjoyable experience. So, if the man can really appreciate the whole experience, and not see orgasm as the true goal of sex, then he will really want the experience to be full and last a long time. This very desire for the lasting of the experience, as a primary goal itself, as well as the intention or decision to make it last, will give the man power to control his ejaculation. This is the power of focused desire and intention. And he will need to remember this at certain times when the habitual body tendency will be to ejaculate or release the sexual tension. He must come back to his desire and intention to prolong the experience. This means remembering the goal, wanting the goal, and intending to fulfill the goal. There is a great power in this, a power that will be needed to redirect the primitive tendency to ejaculate which has its root in a more primal part of the brain or the subconscious. As this is remembered and practiced more and more in love-making, the older rooted tendency will be transformed at its deeper level of the subconscious. The rememberance, or re-affirming of the goal, desire and intention, will be less and less required, as love-making becomes more and more easy to prolong with spontaneity and intensity. This shouldn’t seem like a difficult thinking process. The goal, desire for it, and intention to it, are all related, so the thought or remembrance can be all on one breath. In fact, it needs to be on the breath, which is the other key. Upon the in-breath you affirm the goal and desire. You must do this on the in-breath, while bringing back through the breath at least some of the energy and excitement that is going out to the other. You bring this bit of energy back with your intention to prolong the ritual, in the remembrance or thought of the goal-desire. This is not complicated. It’s not a complicated thought process or a complicated technique. There are just some basic components in the technique. It just needs some practice. It’s not difficult. Just remember the desire and intention to prolong the ritual, and hold this desire as you breath back some of your outgoing energy, then hold this energy for a moment on the in breath with your intentional decision to prolong the ritual. The breath is not to be held for longer than a moment or two. What’s important is the intention and the remembrance of the desire and the drawing backthrough the in-breath of being shared with the lover. You take back just a little bit of the energy engaged in the flow of excitement, just enough to regain a sufficient composure of self control, without stopping or disengaging the magic of the flow. One doesn’t need to become too in-control or disengaged from the sexual intensity. You take back only what is needed for a degree of control. You disengage and take back just a bit of the energy. Breath is very important in all this. Conscious and relaxed breathing will help maintain a degree of self-control while allowing free flow of the sexual energies. Stay awake to the energies and sensations of the loving. If you drift off or mind-drift into some fantasy, then you lose your power of intention and awareness, and you might not regain this power in time if the process of ejaculation begins while drifting. Of course, at the very peaks of summer love, of intense ecstasy of union, there is very little self-control since the self and the energies are all being lost in the total experience. At these peaks one can only train the body-mind by practice. One must maintain a small thread of conscious control, a relaxed sense of control. The key here is to keep in mind the continuation of the ritual through the peak and the woman’s orgasm. The higher mergence of the lovers near the sexual peak and at the peak itself are stages where any sense of self or `control is being absorbed by the union, so there is little one can do except disengage a bit from the intensity while continuing the flow for the woman’s orgasm. If done with just the right subtlty the man can continue on to orgasm without ejaculation, reaching the summer peak of ecstasy with the woman. Or, if the disengagement and regaining of self-energy is too much, too much of a shift from the rising flow, then the energy level will come down away from ecstatic rapture and back down to the stage of spring, but any lowering or disengaging is preferable to ejaculation, since ejaculation ends the ritual while lowering energy only saves the peaking for a later time. Coming down to spring loving is still wonderful and the energy can easily build once again. This may happen again and again, as the peak is avoided if ejaculation is felt to be too close. The energy rises as high as possible without loosing it, so to speak, then lowers to a level of more ease and relaxed excitement. If at the level of spring loving, where the man is consciously building the excitement, he finds himself getting too close to ejaculation, then he should lower down to the winter level and appreciate the lover and the experience with a bit more distance and less sexual charge. Then once he feels more composed and better in tune with the lover’s spiritual quality, he can begin again to intensify the excitement and build toward the peaks. At times the practitioner will confidently delve further into the uncontrolled regions of sexual bliss and practice holding just a thread of control. Sometimes he goes too far and can’t stop the ejaculation, while sometimes he succeeds and goes through a certain stage of balancing on the edge, the edge between letting go and holding on, or dropping off and staying on top of the flow. This stage will pass if one keeps on breathing and flowing through it. One must stay in the flow and in the rhythm, emersed in it fully, giving oneself fully to it, yet consciously. If one can pass beyond this edge, he’ll find that the intensity can keep building even further and he can let go even more, while not feeling to ejaculate, and he may reach a non-ejaculating orgasm of ecstatic union with his lover. The key through this magical doorway is in keeping movement with the flowing rhythm of the felt experience. One stays in the flow and rhythm of the experience, without thought, surrendering mind, heart, and body to the ecstatic experience of union. This way of surrendering to the flow, relaxing in the flow, going with the flow, and giving completely to the flow, is the way for the male to pass through the ecstatic enjoyment of the summer phase without ejaculation. He must keep up with the flow, staying with it, feeling himself emersed in love and service to the woman. If he can stay relaxed, without thought, and allow himself to flow with the flow, rhythm in the rhythm, and breathe in conscious harmony with the energies, breathing with the flow, then he can pass through the summer to orgasm without ejaculation, while ecstatically enjoying all the hot pleasure along the way. This when sex can take off into new realms unknown. I’m focusing on the man, here, because it is up to him to stay with it, feeling completely the flow of the hot excitement while, completely full of love ecstasy but relaxing through the summer passage-way all throughout the increasing mergence to union and the peaking of pleasure. It is only because of man’s peculiar situation that the tantra gives guidance in this way; otherwise man could let happen what happens, allowing the natural seasons of the ritual to progress by allowing the body to respond in its natural way, which is the woman’s way. There are instructions for the woman in the tantra, but these can simply be stated as gradually opening the mind, heart and body to the spiritual power of the man and allowing the mutual sexual energies to flow naturally and spontaneously in their waxing and waning; yet also giving some special attention to the man’s need for avoiding ejaculation. She must be sensitive to the man’s need at certain over-stimulated times to slow down or speed up, stop or come out. Therefore, the woman must allow the man to lead, or at least guide at these crucial times, not because she should always submit to man’s lead but only because of man’s peculiur circumstance. At other times, without this concern, the woman is really in lead because the man should follow the lead of the woman’s desire and serve her growing pleasure, her awakening and rising Shakti. This stimulation of the woman’s desire, or the Shakti energy, is what builds the ritual to its peaks and fulfillments. Of course, the woman can help stimulate the man’s excitement and desire, his own Shakti. This is her service to the man, but her service also involves being sensitive to and guided by his need for some control and maintained awareness throughout the ritual. If she is going to increase the intensity of his stimulation, in some way or another, she must do so gradually and not too suddenly, with sensitivity to his pleasure capability at that moment. Of course, though, in the heat of the summer love both the man and the woman are letting the fires rage out of control with total spontaneity. Yet even here the man might be on the edge of either letting himself go through the passage of ecstatic surrender toward orgasmic union or re-gaining a bit more control to avoid ejaculation by disengaging some from the intense fire. On this edge the man can either throw himself into the fire, just jumping fully into the experience without fear of ejaculation, or he backs away a bit, in a sense, and breathes back just enough control, just enough personal power, to maintain as much of the flow and intensity as possible without letting himself explode as yet. He comes back just a bit, in order to save himself for more and prolong pleasure to the woman. When I say he comes back, I don’t here mean that he should jump out of the woman or pull himself back, although this may be the best thing to do depending on the person. What I really mean, though, is coming back somemore to oneself, one’s sense of personal power through an increased awareness of oneself. Thus, the technique is to breath in consciously some of the body energy engaged with the other or lost in the experience. This also reverses the seasonal progression of the ritual, maybe not much but some. In other words, any regaining of self control or perspective in the love flow is a step away from the summer intense flow toward complete letting go into mergence and union. There is nothing wrong with this, for in the love ritual none of the seasons are considered superior to any other. But it is a backing away slightly from the orgasmic peak, at least for the man it is, while the woman may actually be carried onto orgasm with the force of the preceding build-up if the man can maintain the same thrusting and rhythm of the flow even though he himself has backed slightly away from his orgasm. I should also note that this orgasm of the woman can never be quite as great as when the man too orgasms simultaneously. But remember, if the man saved himself, then he can later experience this with the woman. He doesn’t need to ejaculate in this mutual orgasm, but if he ever does ejaculate this is the deepest time for him and the woman.

During the ritual the man must be responsible for his sustained level of excitement without ejaculation. The woman should be sensitive to this by avoiding sudden bursts of intensified movement and slow down or even stop for a moment while the man regains his conscious breath and composure. She should be sensitive to his level of excitement and to his need at times to have more control in the ritual movement. In practices where she is the dominate initiator of movement and rhythm she must be extra sensitive to his rising excitement and his need to follow her harmoniously with his conscious breath. As long as the man is felt to be consciously staying with her own movements and rising excitement, then she can keep raising the intensitiy or remain continuous in that rhythmic bliss. But in order to get absolutley into the flow of intense ecstasy she will have to let go of these concerns and just trust the man and her sensitive intuition, yet willing to slow down or stop for a moment if the man so asks. If the man cannot keep up with her and needs a moment to regain himself, re-establishing conscious rhythm with her, then she must be willing to come down a level from her rising bliss, as service to the man and for the ultimate good of the ongoing ritual. Otherwise, the man might ejaculate with loss of control over the excitement. Of course, the more skilled the man the less all this is of concern, and one will discover that the ritual energy gets really hot and most ecstatic when both lovers can freely let go in their spontaneous response and rapture with the other. A woman naturally knows this and seeks to be raised to this higher state of love, but she must be patient if her ideal is to be achieved, for she must take the man with her or allow him to take her into this blissful rapture, either of which requires the man to stay with it as best he can without exploding his power. Patience is required of the woman, but this can be as exciting as any kind of loving, and love without haste is the most enjoyable loving. The woman is most spiritual if she does not judge the man for not having all the skill she hopes for. Sometimes a man is less on top of it than at other times. But even if the man is still practicing his skill on the edge of control and letting go, the woman greatly serves the man with true spiritual love when she is most compassionate, sensitive, and patient, all of which will help the man empower is own inherant abilities for ecstatic love-making. The tantra is ultimately about love, which expresses as compassion, sensitivity and service, and upon these one is raised to union, ecstasy, and absolute beauty.

We can see the practical importance of man’s skill in the ritual and woman’s sensitivity to man attempting his best at letting himself fly with excitement while somehow remaining relaxed and composed. The woman can completely let herself go and fly, while the man cannot, at least not with the same abandonment until more practically skilled. And because of this, the woman cannot allow herself complete freedom ofspontaneous expression, until she first helps the man build consciously to a stage when he can completely let loose without ending the ritual.

Let's review the techniques or guidelines for man, though any technique should not distract the man from discovering his own way from experience. This is why I don’t present one fixed way but suggest three basic approaches to consider and practice with. One approach is to regain self-control by disengaging some from the shared intensitiy. The man regains a bit of distance or perspective in the love flow. He moves back just a bit from the intense mergence of union, and thus comes down some from the peak intensity. He does this by consciously breathing back some of the engaged energy, taking a breath in to regain some of his own energy and self-awareness. He comes back some to his own self, to his sense of separate being and awareness, which is his sense of control. This increased self-awareness, as distinct from an emersed consciousness in the flow or mergence, is the regaining of self-control. He regains this to just the degree that is needed to regain enough relaxed composure for remaining in the flow without loosing it totally, until he can re-establish his breath harmoniously in the rhythm and flow as carried onward by the woman. He regains some of himself, his own awareness and control, but doesn’t stop the flow, in service to the woman and in order to keep the energy at its highest pitch possible. He takes in a conscious breath and re-establishes the rhythm of breath, but does not stop the flow, as he gradually surrenders again more to the flow and the rising ecstasy of mergence. These two approaches of surrendering the self, or control, and regaining back some of the self-control may rhythm back and forth in the ritual experience, as the man rides on the edge of summer and gradually comes toward greater mergence and realized union.

A different approach, in a way opposite to the other, is to surrender more fully into the experience of merging. This is the way of relaxing in trust. One trusts the mergence itself, and by this trust one is able to relax into it. One must relax fully into the excitement, giving oneself fully to it, rather than backing away from it. This can only be successfully done with complete self-confidence or complete confidence in the embracing power of the ritual. The man must surrender with complete trust to the goddess of love empowering the whole experience. He literally allows himself to be consumed by the fire of love or allows himself to be drowned in the sea of love. One might think this approach would be the end of man’s control of ejaculation, as it is just what the other approach tries to avoid or back out of. But if this can be done with complete relaxation and trust, while holding consciousness in the experience, the man will pass through the passage of being on the edge and find himself emersed in pure light and bliss within the ecstatic union. There is a difference in consciousness between the two approaches. In the previous one the man regains some of his own self-awareness, rather than lose himself totally in the experience. He regains some personal power or control within the experience by regaining some self-awareness. But in the proceding approach the man surrenders himself to pure consciousness of the experience itself in its totality. Any sense of self or self-perspective or self-awareness or self-control is sacrificed or given up to the total experience and the mergence of energies. One’s own sexual energy and one’s own self-awareness becomes totally emersed with the lover’s, such that all remains is one unity of merged sexuality and consciousness. The self, and the sense of control involved in it, surrenders to the greater unity of self that is found in the merged energy of the lovers. This merged energy has consciousness. It is Self-conscious. Because all along the awakening and rising energy has been merging with the power of consciousness. The mergence is, in one sense, an accumulation of the energy and consciousness of the lovers. But however we explain this, the experience of ecstatic union is of a greater consciousness than mere self-awareness and of a greater ecstatic energy than experienced of the separate body-self. This is the potential which the tantra realizes.

What is important for the man to realize, and the woman as well, is that the ecstatic mergence of union, and the ecstatic approach to union, is not a loss of consciousness but is a coming into greater consciousness, a complete unity of consciousness. This is not a consciousness of separation, not a consciousness that distinguishes you from me. It is consciousness in unity. While self-awareness is a consciousness of separation, an experiencing of one’s own sensations and feelings as distinct from other’s. This self-awareness should be respected and valued in its own right. It is essential in life. Without it there could be no self creativity or self expression that is unique from others. All would be uniform. Self-awareness and personal power are essential in the experience of life. The experience of separation is essential. Yet the tantra believes we can experience separation and unity all at once, or at least in rhythm. We can come into the experience of complete unity and then fall from this into the experience of separation. This is life, a kind of rhythm between separation and unity. At one moment you feel as one with everything, and at another moment you feel as a separate person within the greater totality. But even this rhythm of unity and separation can synthesis in experience, becoming an integrated experience of separation within unity or unity of separation. In other words, unity and separation can be realized in their relationship, whereby separation is not separation from unity but only separation within the unity, and unity is not necessarily undifferentiated uniformity of experience but is a diversity of experience all related with each other. Therefore, in this simultaneous experience of unity and separation the unity is a unity of relationship between the experience of separation. It is a realized unity of separation, via relationship. It is a realized union of relationship. And thus we have three primary experiences within the tantra: the separate self or self-awareness; the unity itself or pure undivided consciousness; and, relational experience or the realized union of oneself with another. Some religious schools of thought emphasized the ideal of realized unity and the consistent remaining in undifferentiated Nirvanic bliss. This may be a peak of spiritual attainment, but it cannot be the whole of the spiritual life because our creative individuated existence is a primary purpose of life. The One Divine Being created life, us, or Itself, into separatedly distinguished beings, to experience ourselves uniquely from others and creatively express uniquely from others. This is the beauty of life, in its diversity of expression. And one of the primary purposes of existence is beauty, or the recognition of beauty. A co-primary purpose of life is the realization of relationship and the manifestation of harmonious relationship. Also, the ecstatic experience of union, in body as well as mind.

But again, I have diverged from the question. I was speaking about the techniques for man, or what I prefer to call as approaches. One is a backing away from mergence, for the time being, until enough composure is re-established that the man can again melt more in the union, relaxed and without immediate threat of ejaculation. The other approach is to actually move forward into the mergence, into the union, by relaxing oneself even more, by surrendering even more of oneself and the reins of control. This involves opening up the emotional self even more, thrusting more of one’s being into the experience, giving more of one’s love, and allowing more of oneself to be absorbed and taken into the experience. It may be experienced as a surrendering into the love power of the Divine Goddess and trusting Her to hold you in Her ecstatic passage to union, without ejaculating the ritual energy. You feel that She is in control, when you give it up, and She will lead you through the passage of feeling on the edge of coming and into the very depth of ecstatic blissful union. While on the edge of summer the man will either back away, come forward, or remain on the edge. It is possible for him to just stay on this edge and retain its exciting ecstasy. This is the third approach. He can remain in the excitement of the edge, which is actually the most exciting place to be, even though the summer union is a new level of ecstasy altogether. Now, this other approach is, again, an approach to avoid ejaculation in the moment of its feeling or its fear. The man may be staying on the edge for some time, and even enter the ecstatic letting go of the summer, allowing himself this freedom for a time until retreating back to the edge where he balances the letting go with the keeping control. He stays mostly on the edge of summer, while briefly venturing into summer, though without a complete surrender, and then quickly gains some control again when it is felt needed, and thus he is back on the edge. If he regains a greater degree of self-control through some self-aware distancing, then he passes by the edge and re-enters the stage of spring, or if he disengages even more from the intensitiy he re-enters the stage of winter. There need be no judgement in any of this, for loving has no greater real goal than the loving ritual itself, and as long as the man has not spent himself and as long as the lovers do not tire, all the seasons of love can be explored again and again. But if the man wishes to stay on the edge he can use this third approach. In this approach the man slightly alters his rhythm and movement, while staying in the flow of the experience, in order to slightly shift the peaking intensitiy. Picture that the man’s sexual tension of excitement rises to such a pitch that he would be forced to release his tension if the rhythm and movement of the flow were to remain the same. It feels like if all things continue this way for any longer he’s going to explode. So at this point two previous approaches were offered. Yet one of these might not be appropriate because he does’t yet feel the confidence to allow himself to completely relax in trust through the passage to summer, and the other approach might not be appropriate because he either can’t really free himself from the trance of the engaging flow of experience or he doesn’t want to. Here is where the third approach is useful and appropriate. All that can be said of this approach is that the man slightly shifts the movement or rhythm in a way that relaxes or reduces the sexual tension. He must discover this on his own, adjusting the movement or rhythm according to whatintensity of excitement he feels he can handle. The goal is to maximize the enjoyment, without going too far, which one does by sensually finding the most enjoyed movement and rhythm for that time. But often, if this is continued the excitement may go too far for the man, even though the woman may want more of the same. The woman’s desire is most respected in the tantra, but the man’s need must take precedence if he would otherwise release himself out of the ritual. Therefore, if the man feels that the present build-up of excitement is too much for him he should slightly alter the present movement and rhythm. This is a key based on a law of wave resonance as known in earthquake engineering, where a continuing rhythm or vibrational wave will keep magnifying itself in a body resonating with it. The shifting of movement will also change the points of friction where intensity builds so to not keep stimulating the same points again and again. The woman’s natural tendency will be to want more of the same to build her excitement to orgasm, and the man should remember this to serve her pleasure, but if the man cannot handle anymore of that particular movement or rhythm without feeling to explode he should alter it slightly even if the woman tends to resist. This is out of the best interests of the continuing ritual, and it will not bring down the rising excitement if the man maintains the rising flow of the experience, as he merely shifts the excitement in some way. This he does by moving himself differently or changing the rhythm to a slower or faster pace. The shifting doesn’t need to be dramatic. A mere slight shifting can relax his tension and maintain the overall intensity of the flow. The man is making a slight adjustment of himself so to not beover-stimulated, yet he keeps the flow of excitement rising on the edge by merely adjusting the excitement or moving the energy in a slightly different way. In this way he can remain on the edge while stillexciting the woman toward her increased pleasure and orgasm. The technique is really very simple and it becomes almost instinctual in the man once he learns how easy andsuccessful it is. It is a kind of controlling the situation, an adjustment made to maintain the flow without exploding from the flow. But it doesn’t necessarily involve any degree of disengagement or breathing back from the experience, as one can remain fully in the flow as-it-is while merely adjusting the movement or rhythm. Related to this adjustment of movement is theadjustment of breath. It is actually possible to accomplish all that I’ve said by merely ajdusting the rhythm of the breath. This is done by allowing the breath to natural adjust itself to the rhythm of movement, because when the breath is harmonious with the movement there is greater relaxation in the movement. In the intensity of loving the breath may become out of sync with the movement, which causes a stress to accumulate in the body energy flow. For various reasons the breath may tighten, stop, or become uneven at times. Or the breath may not adjust it’s rhythm to a change in the rhythm of movement. Why the breath does not automatically or naturally harmonize with the movement is too complicated and varied to answer, but the solution is simple and will ease the tension of being out of sync. Just become aware of the breath and the movement at the same time, then the breath will naturally synchronize or adjust with the movement. It’s just a matter of breath awareness. You’re not trying to gain control through the breath, as in the other technique, rather you are consciously allowing the breath to harmonize with the movement or the flow. It is keeping the breath up with the flow, rather than disengaging some with the flow through the breath. The relation of breath to movement to flow is an essential triangular relation in the love-making, and there should be a merging consciousness of each. In other words, throughout the loving both lovers ought to have some awareness of breath, movement and flow, all at once and in sync, since these are essential qualities of the conscious enjoyment of loving, along with sexual sensation and emotional feeling, and each are necessarily related.

So, I’ve explained some about the three techniques. One cannot say excatly what to do for anyone or any situation. The man can only understand these three approaches through his experience of trying them out, but they are very general and most will have some degree of understanding what I’m speaking about. Even moreexperienced lovers, who know in general these techniques, will also know that they do not often consciously use what they know. The nature of love-making is not really like the making of anything else. If you are a craftsman or a perfectionist in some way, then you know there are right or efficient ways to accomplish certain aims, and if you repeat these techniques you’ll repeat the excellence of performance or craft. One can be a more successful lover by repeating certain techniques of performance; yet the techniques of loving can only be generally applied. You may find that similar moves work well again and again, which is excellent knowledge, but great loving requires a good degree of spontaneity and creatively responding to the fresh moment at hand. Also, in the more heated moments of loving there is less controled calculation of movement and response which, in fact, is partly how it gets so heated. I suppose the best thing to say is that love-making is best when it is most fresh with the attitude of exploration and free with spontaneity, and yet experienced lovers all know certain movements and general approaches which tend to please the woman or man, as well as intensify the overall experience. It is best if the lovers can let free their spontaneity and explore loving with complete freshness, while also having some remembrance of what works well for the good of the flow. Again, the man has more responsibility in this because he must also remember how to not ejaculate too early while increasing his and her enjoyment and remaining in the flow of spontaneity. Of the three techniques the letting go into the experience is the most preferred if he feels capable, but the way of retreating and the way of sustaining the edge will both be of use, as all stages of loving are enjoyable. Of greatest importance to both lovers will be the sustainment of the love ritual itself and the different ways of appreciating each other throughout the whole experience. Each of the seasons of loving are enjoyable in their own way, so although the goal often seems to be thehighest peaks of intensity and union, the rising of spring’s intensity and the glowing sensual falling of autumn and the gentle spiritual appreciation of winter are all beautiful in love’s embrace.

We must remember two things. First is that man’s excitement cannot be allowed to go completely loose and wild without at least some sense of control or self-awareness on his part. This, the man must be responsible, and the woman sensitive to, so that the excitement grows and stays intense but is contained by some degree of conscious control.

Second, the stimulation of man’s Shakti excitement, which here is often called his throbbing Shiva, is increased by his movements and thrustings into the woman’s Shakti passage, but even more so by the awakening and building of the woman’s Shakti energy, her own sexual excitement. The man should remember that his own Shakti excitement is mostly stimulated by the resonating vibration of the woman’s increasing sexual excitement. The two Shakti forces stimulate and excite each other from the resonance of their rising and increasing vibration. So the man’s excitement and pleasure naturally increases with the woman’s, and he should realize that by serving the woman’s increasing pleasure and excitement he is serving the ritual, the goddess of the ritual, and his own enjoyment as well.

This attitude of serving the woman’s enjoyment is also one of the ways to avoid ejaculating too soon, because when the man holds the intention to serve the woman he will naturally refrain from an ejaculation that would end her pleasure. If the intention is firm and strong, desirous and determined to please the woman, then the body will naturally follow such a fixed desire and decided intention. Related to this attitude of serving the woman is the felt need to serve the goddess of the ritual. This felt need is sometimes experienced in hoter parts of the ritual. The goddess is felt to demand the man’s persevering firmness and strength, demanding his complete devotion to serving Her enjoyment. It is like the love flow itself demanding the man’s continual givingness to the ritual so to keep building its intensity. As the man gives his energy to the loving and shares his excitement, he will feel that everything he gives feeds the hunger of the goddess’s enjoyment. And this goddess wants a lot. She’s got the man as Her love servant, and he’ll feel this need to give all he’s got, all for the goddess’s enjoyment. He becomes the willing servant to Her. The woman herself is just a part of this whole experience. The woman lover may not be demanding at all, and she may not be aware of this experience of the man. But the man can see, feel, and know this great demanding desire of the love goddess.

He will know that She demands his firm and strong givingness, and his excitement as well, for Her experience, for Her enjoyment. And of course She demands his endurance for Her continual pleasure. She demands him to keep it going and not uncontrolably ejaculate. This demand of the goddess can actually be used by the man to protect him from ejaculation, for if he is willingly in service to the goddess and Her demands, then Her power will keep him strong, enduring, and without ejaculation, as long as his mind and heart are dedicated to Her wishes and desires.

So, one of the needed spiritual approaches for the man is a devoted service to the woman, which will later be realized as a complete giving of himself in sacrificial service to the ritual goddess Herself.

LINK to Goddesses