Principles and goals in Tantric love:
Increase sensual pleasure and enjoyment, as a way towards divine passion.
See the Goddess in the goddess, the deeper divine in the flesh.
May each continually move towards unification – towards the One
Because of the manifested body nature of man and woman, one is experienced somewhat differently from the other. The woman’s body expresses certain predominate qualities, while the man’s body expresses other qualities. Of course each has certain obvious physical features that are distinct to that sex, but each body has different subtle features as well.
The tantra calls the nature of man yab and the nature of woman yum. The yab and the yum are terms used to describe the body nature of man and woman, as well as the dual principles of maculine and feminine qualities. The terms are, thus, applied to bodies, to psychological qualities, and even to spiritual principles structuring the universe.
Yum and yab are equivilant to yin and yang in the taoist tradition, though the tantra tends to emphasize the more sensuous nature of this polarity as found and expressed in male and female bodies. The `primae facie’ example of yang and yin are found in the natural environment, as the sunny and fertile side of sloping land being the yang, and the shaded and more solemn side being yin, or the qualities of activeness and strength known as yang, while the qualities of receptiveness and gentleness are known as yin.
A gentle sloping hill is yin, while a more ragged sloping mountain is yang. And the taoists perceived the human body to be part yin and part yang, with different yin and yang lines of energy flowing and crossing all through the body.
The tantra is without disagreement in this. The yab is the active quality and the yum is the receptive. The yab is strong, firm, intentional and assertive, while the yum is gentle, soft, sensitive, and yielding. These can refer to how the bodies sensually feel to each lover, or they can refer to how the lovers express themselves in physical gesture, position and movement, generally called mudra.
The woman’s body is a prize gift to the man. She is so warm and soft, delicious and sensuous. She is so wonderful to touch, to kiss, and to hold close. The man can let himself go wild over the woman’s body, enjoying all these feminine qualities and how they sensually feel to his touch, his lips, and all his senses. It is wonderful to spend precious, sacred time investigating and sexually exploring the woman and how she delights in these love kisses and tender touch. As the man enjoys the woman the woman enjoys the man.
Likewise, the man’s body is a prize gift to the woman. He too is warm and soft, delicious and sensuous. He too is sensitive and enjoys being touched and kissed, explored and enjoyed. As the woman enjoys the man the man enjoys the woman. Yet, though we can say the same for the body of man as for the body of woman, the man’s body feels and expresses somewhat different than the woman’s. The qualities of softness, sensuality, deliciousness, and beauty are usually more pronounced and evident of the woman’s body as felt to the man, than of the man as felt by the woman. The woman will feel the man to be more strong and firm, rather than soft and gentle, though we must emphasize that this difference is only a matter of degree, since both male and female bodies can be found to be soft, warm, sensuous, succulant, and beautiful.
The tantra considers these soft qualities to be yum or feminine qualities, but they can appropriately refer to the man’s body as much as the woman’s, though the woman’s body is the spiritual archetype for these qualities. Thus, we say the woman’s body is yum, meaning that she has predoninantly yum qualities. The man’s body is basically yum as well, because the human body is basically yum in nature, while the spirit or mind is considered basically yab in nature because it expresses the essential qualities of strength, firmness, intentionality, and creative assertiveness. But though the man’s body essentailly possesses the yum qualities, his body is more often found to posses yab qualities. Women’s bodies have some degree of yab as well, but the yab is usually more pronounced in the male body.
The man tends to especially enjoy the yum qualities of woman, and the woman tends to especially enjoy the yab qualities of man. The man is enthralled and thrilled by the woman’s soft sensual body and the way she feels to his touch and his lips. He loves to touch her all over, carresing her soft gentleness, and kissing her soft and succulent body. Her tastes and smells enthrall and delight him. He wants to eat her up, but not before savoring the feel and taste of her sensuous delights. He loves to feel and kiss her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her breasts and nipples, her belly, her back, her soft butt, and her savory yum fruit. Her fruit is, of course, the juicy vagina, its erotic head, and the erotic zone around it, all of which is called in tantra the woman’s yumyum.
And she delights in this adoration and enjoyment of her sensuous body. He enjoys his lips on her breasts, his tongue and mouth kissing and sucking her nipples, and she loves him sucking and nibbling her. He enjoys his mouth and tongue kissing, licking and tasting her delicious fruit, her yumyum, and he enjoys her pleasure of this. If open to her pleasure and rising excitement, he will delight in the taste and feel of her pleasure, and he will want to keep pleasing and exciting her more and more. Her fruit will become for him the manifestation of the goddess delight, and he will worship her in her fruit of pleasure. He will enjoy the goddess yumyum in his mouth and enjoy giving all of himself to this pleasure, almost lost in the ecstasy of this delight. And her love for him will grow as she melts in his mouth and surrenders herself to his giving and worship. This is the tantric worship of Shakti in her yum essence. The overall yum essence of the body can be worshiped and delighted in, or the woman’s yumyum can be venerated and made sacred as the object of spiritual delight. Such veneration is shown by Shakti followers in the religious sect known as Shaktism.
Strength and gentleness
Strength and gentleness are two polar approaches in loving, the yab and yum approaches. Neither is more important than the other, but some times a strong approach is called for, while at other times a gentle approach is more enjoyed. Then, of course, there are all degrees of mixture and balance. In general, though, the woman prefers the man to be gentle with her, though knowing that he can be rough at times seems to excite her. The woman likes the strength of the man, to know and feel his strength, and sometimes his wild roughness, but she mostly prefers this strength tempered with a gentleness toward her womaness. She likes to feel his wild strength simmering inside, ready to boil with hers at the just the right time, yet she also likes his gentle, tender touch and approach, sensitive to her gentle, tender body. She will excite from his yab masculine body and strength, and his spontaneous yab approach, but first she must know of his loving sensitivity and gentleness towards her yum feminine body. Also many woman need to first feel the gentleness of the man before they can open up in trust without fear of being hurt by his potentially wild strength. So, the naturally yum, tender body of the woman feels most comfortable, and opens up more easily to sensual enjoyment, when being loved by a gentle, yum approach, that is, feeling the yum nature of the man.
Yet, when the time is ripe she might enjoy more the stronger yab approach. The man can only be sensitive to her. What is best at the time can only be known with sensitivity and cannot be calculated or planned. But the best general advice is to be more gentle and tender in loving -- touching, kissing, and thrusting with tender, gentle sensitivity. For the man, this balances his natural yab nature, cultivating more of his gentle-manly potential.
Still, he can allow his more wild and strong yab nature to come forth, though tempered some by his gentle sensitivity to the woman’s tender yum nature. Most enjoyable is some gentle touching mixed with occasional stronger touch and squessing. The same goes with kissing. Gentle kissing and strong kissing are both exciting and enjoyable; even more so, when the two approaches alternate, some gentle then some strong, etc. Any approach, though, should be maintained for at least some time, before alternating or changing the general ryhthm or style. The secret of good loving is maintaining an approach, a style, a touch, or whatever, for a sufficient amount of time before changing. This gives the receiver sufficient chance to more completely get into it and enjoy that unique pleasure. Then, when a kind of peak is reached in this particular enjoyment, a new approach or touch can begin. Thus, the receiver is continually be raised, and at each plateau a new climb begins. The secret is to keep giving the beloved what they are enjoying but not beyond the point where their excitement descends or the repitition becomes irritating. The secret is to know when to keep on and when to move on, the secret of knowing when is enough and when to try something creatively different. This knowledge cannot be stated in any rules or in any calculation. The secret can only be known through a natural and spontaneous sensitivity to the lover’s enjoyment. If you don’t really care about your partner’s enjoyment or you’re insensitive to them, then you’ll never get the secret and you’ll never be a good lover. And this isn’t a sensitivity of the mind but of the body. It isn’t something you think about or have an intuitive insight about. It’s not about the mind. It’s about the body. Get into your own body and you’ll be able to get into someone elses. The body knows. The secrets of loving are known in the body. I’m just pointing you there. You’re whole body is the instrument of sensitivity. Your whole body is an antenna for love wisdom, for knowing your lover and how to love him or her.
So let the body do it. Let the body spontaneously realize the truth and naturally move in response to the desires of love. This is the secret. The hands will understand your lover. Your hands will feel the love and know you’re lover’s joy. Your mouth will know what love is. You’ll feel it and taste it. Your hands, your mouth, your throbbing yum or yab, your whole body will feel and know the truth of the lover, the truth of his or her love, and the truth of their enjoyment and delight. Your body can feel love. Your body will know how to love. Just let it. Let the body learn naturally, learning by the wisdom of delight, the jnana of ananda.
Yab and Yum approaches
Certain love approaches are called yab, such as being the assertive and active partner, and certain positions are called yab when that position is above or dominant to the other. Whereas the yum approach is to be receptive and allowing, often corresponding with being in a submissive position under the other. Men are more usually in the yab position and woman in the yum position. This has natural sense, since the phallus or male rod is more easily thrusted into the woman’s vagina rather than be thrusted by the vagina, but either way is certainly possible and both are certainly enjoyable. As a practical reason for this tendency, the male must maintain some self-control over his phallic excitement and being in the more dominant and active position he has better control over the movement, yet this is not absolutely necessary since the woman could be in the more controlling position and active in the movement though sensitive and adjusting to the man’s need of self-control.
The tantra accepts the man’s tendency to be in the more dominate position and be the more active, and yet certain rituals specifically prescribe the woman on top and initiating the movement. This is for two main reasons. One is to challenge and develop the man’s self-control by allowing the woman to be in control so that the man must adapt and adept himself for her enjoyment, though the woman must still respect the man’s capacity through this development and yield to his limited but expanding abilities. The second reason is for the man and woman’s development of their polar sides, the development of their less-predominate psychological qualities. The body of a man or a woman is believed to have a predominance of yab or yum body essence, respectively, and the psyche of a man or woman has the tendency to develop out of the nature of this body essence. So, with the goal of greater balance and temperance of the yab and yum qualities of the psyche, the man is often prescribed to take the yum position and approach while the woman takes the yab position and approach.
This is traditionally called the Kali position. The essential principles of tantra are here applied, though certain things can be said specific to this position, also called the yum-yab position in contrast to the other yab-yum position.
Already mentioned is the need for man’s self-control and the woman’s supportive role in this. The man maintains an allowing attitude and rhythms his breath in harmony with the movement. The woman sets the rhythm according to her own natural rhythm of breath which should be continuous, full, and flowing in and out like the sea on the sand, yet she can speed up or slow down her breath and the movement to whatever is most enjoyable. She should allow herself to completely get into the enjoyment and into the flow, while expanding her consciousness of the energies and feelings, as well as maintaining sensitivity to the man’s growing excitement and capacity for the intensity. The man should allow her enjoyment however she wishes, while giving to her with his hands and his kisses all over the reach of her body . He too can allow himself full enjoyment and be taken into complete ecstasy by the woman and how she feels, yet he should not lose his breath so to control his orgasm, and if he feels too close to orgasm he should practice the special techniques of breath or motion his hips to relieve the excessive localized intensity or hold strong to the woman for control or immediately ask her to stop for him to regain his breath and composure. Also during the yum-yab the woman can practice bringing the man’s yab love essence upward into her, by the in-breath, through her vagina and through her energy centres to the top of her head and back down or just to her mouth and tongue where she can circulate it back to him, on the out-breath through his mouth and tongue. The man can practice giving his yab love essence to the woman on the out-breath through his phallus. The phallus is sometimes called his yab, or sometimes called his vajra, meaning either his powerful thunderbolt or his diamond hard embodiment of light. He allows the woman to take his vajra deep and full and he enjoys the feeling of being full, strong and deep in her wet, soft and embracing vagina, called her yum or her lotus flower. Yet the man receives the woman’s yum essence from her mouth and from her eyes and face sparkling from the ecstatic light of love and enjoyment. He receives her yum love essence from her beauty through his eyes and from her deliciously juicy mouth meeting his.
The sight of the man from the woman’s view will be of his beautiful firm and lasting strength, his givingness and surrender of himself, his yogic conscious control, his penetrating buddhic wisdom, and his rising enjoyment. He may be seen as Kumara the Youth, Skanda the God of Beauty, Krishna the Lover, the Horned god, or as Sadashiva the manifested perfection of Shiva’s power and consciousness.
The man may be recognized as vira, meaning the hero, the adept yogi who allows himself to be loved and enjoyed by a woman, while completely enjoying the woman and making her his sacred worship and meditation, yet all the while expanding his consciousness and transmuting his orgasm.
The man will see, in the yum-yab, the woman’s sensuous and soft beauty, her givingness and devotion, her natural love-wisdom, her desire and intensifying enjoyment, and her awesome goddess power. She may be seen as Kali the Consuming Fire, Durga the Huntress, Lakshmi the Enchanting Beauty, Parvati the Kind and Giving; each being Sadashakti, the Transforming Manifestations of Shakti. All forms of the goddess are different forms of Shakti, the Sex Goddess Herself, or Pleasure Alive.
The other primary approach for the woman is the yum approach, where she is more receptive, yielding, and allowing of the man to take her body and thrust his yab into her yum. The man becomes the active yabforce, and the position for this yab-yum relation is the woman below the man or to his side or kneeling with her back to his front.
The position of the man and woman being generally side to side may feel as a good balance of yab and yum in both lovers, though the man usually dominates the thrusting so it is considered yab-yum rather than yum-yab. General suggestions for the yab-yum positions will be similar to those of the yum-yab. Both man and woman should allow themselves the fullest enjoyment while being in a giving attitude to the other. The man will have more control over the movements and the giving in general, yet the woman should be active in her responding with hands and mouth, in her expressed desire for his closeness and depth, and in her seductive expression of submissiveness. She need not be just passive and should avoid complete motionlessness and drifting of attention. She should be completely present, with the attitude of sharing together, feeling sensuous and delicious, and allowing the sexual excitement to build and expand all through her body. The man should be in the attitude of serving the woman’s enjoyment, doing everything that pleases her, though also taking all the enjoyment he can possibly handle from her. He should tune himself into the woman’s excitement and pleasure, feeling her sexual energy rush through him, thereby increasing his own delight and knowing how to excite and please her more. He should caress her soft and gentle curves, her head, her face, her butt, her thies, her breasts and nipples with his hands and fingers. His mouth should be kissing or sucking on her nipples, her neck, her face and lips. His mouth will crave hers and hers will crave his. They will at times look in each other’s eyes and melt in their lover’s love and beauty.
The man should harmonize his thrusting rhythm with what feels to be her greatest pleasure and eventually harmonize with the rhythm of love as felt by the deepening embrace and the merging union of energies. At times he should slow down and specially breath-in consciously the intensity of sexual energy and pleasure.
At times he should slowly thrust as deep as possible, when or if the woman is ready and willing, and hold his hardness firmly there in her lotus flower, feeling her yum embrace and allowing her to swallow his yab essence into her, though without ejaculation. This is called `pollinating the flower’. He thrusts deep on the in-breath, taking the fullest of breath as he savors the feeling of squeezing deep into her yum and holding himself there as his breath and received pleasure peaks, then like the wave returning to sea he breathes out, allowing her yum to swallow some of his yab essence as she holds him firm inside. The woman will naturally take a deep breath as he penetrates more deeply, so as to take more of him through her opening breath, and when he holds it there she should take even more breath and allow her yum to openly relax. She should feel the pleasure of him in her flower and all through the sacral centre, then allow the energy to rise up to her head and mouth where it can be enjoyably released into his mouth on the out-breath.
She will feel this love of his yab essence transform into her yum love for him and be released to him on the breath, which he will enjoyably receive, providing even more strength to his yab essence which she will joyfully breath in again through his thrusted vajra and circulate back to him on her out-breath. This is a way of circulating essences, which at times can be consciously practiced, but once set into motion the pattern will repeat itself with some degree of inertia.
In other words, the lovers need not focus on this all the time but only ever so often during the loving, just as the man need not remain still and deep within the yum for long periods, but only long enough to enjoy the full taste of that experience. Then, he begins again a slow thrusting rhythm, at whatever rate feels most enjoyable at the deeper level of mergence.
These suggestions will also apply to the yum-yab, except for the active role reversed. Also, these deepening practices and circulation practices are meant for advanced stages and are not for the beginning of the ritual. The beginnings should be a kind of getting re-acquainted time, a time of sexually exploring the sensuous body and building gradually the energies of excitement and mergence.
These practices are given to practice with, and should be applied with a sense of play and enjoyment, rather than an attitude of serious craftsmanship. Certain types of personalities will be eager to apply the tantric methods and practices and will tend to be too serious about it all. Of course, the practices are given in all seriousness, and yet a healthy sense of play is needed. Love-making is best when most spontaneous, yet one can gradually bring into this spontaneity some `intentional experiment’ or intentional activity. The gradual balancing of spontaneity with intention is the key to love-mastery and greater enjoyment for both lovers. There can be no stated technique for such a balance. There is no right and wrong way in all this, except that spontaneity must allow for some intentionality and intentionality must allow for spontaneity, innocent exploration, and just simply play. Love-making is best when it begins as spontaneous or just simply enjoyment. Part of loving is a skill and part of it is a play and new experience. As most woman know, the better lovers are the more experienced and skilled lovers. Even for a man, though the myth of the virgin is desirable, an experienced and skillful woman lover is more preferred than one is too innocent. And yet, innocence, or the sense of experiencing the spontaneous unfoldment of sexual love for the first time, is an enjoyed virtue equal to the virtue of experienced skill. We can only say that both virtues make the most enjoyable loving. And the virtue of innocence need not be lost with experience, for one can always make love with the attitude of newness, spontaneity, and playful exploration. Loving can always be new, which is why it can always be so exciting, as if for the first time. The tantra feels that this sense of playfulness and innocence is the best attitude to begin the love ritual and is best throughout the ritual. Whereas the attitude of having to do it just right, either for the sake of skillfulness or sacredness, can sometimes get in the way of the sacred spontaneity which will make the loving most enjoyable and most precious to the spiritual heart. Playfulness and just simply enjoyment is the very basis of sacredness in the tantra. So, the best attitude in these sacred practices is simple enjoyment and allowed spontaneity. Only the novice will attempt to do it all perfectly correct or attempt to apply the techniques with perfect precision. Love-play cannot unfold to its highest enjoyment if the lovers are overly concerned with techniques, and yet, the techniques are important to gradually learn and gradually apply. I give them here in the most general way possible, but the tantra is a kind of practical science, with many facets to it, so it may appear complex to some people. We advise first understanding the basic principles, and then gradually experimenting in different ways and gradually adding new methods to the love ritual. Love-play cannot be rushed.
Because of the unique nature of sexual activity, new ways and new skills are actually learned rather quickly once they are intentionally done just a few times. Our bodies learn new ways and new skills very quickly in the sexual ritual, so even though new ways may need some intention and focus, beyond our usual developed habits, these new ways and skills will very soon become an integrated part of our knowingness and love skill, and they will become a natural part of our spontaneity in loving. So it is not advised to apply these suggestions too seriously or worry over making tantric love the right or best way. Loving shouldn’t feel to be a complex activity, and the less we think about it the better. The highest forms of tantric loving are not learned over night, so even though the suggestions are given in all seriousness, practitioners need to allow a lot of time for them to naturally unfold with a bit of gradually applied intention. There isn’t any rush. Loving cannot be rushed, if it is to be enjoyed. In the ritual of tantra the beginnings are always marked with erotic play, spontaneity and exploration, without rushing to get to some “higher level” or experience right away circulating breaths, chakra openings, spiritual perceptions, deep mergence, or ecstatic realization of Divine Being. What are thought of as “higher tantric states”, though all of loving is highly spiritual, enjoyable and sacred, are only experienced after a considerable time of `foreplay’, usually about an hours worth. But this foreplay is not just touch and kisses, for it may involve be a lot of intense thrusting and build-up of the sexual energies. The more intense heights of love intensity can last a long time as well. There can be no right method in all this, only that the lovers move with the natural flow and do not rush to perform certain tantric ways without first establishing a mutual feeling of simple and spontaneous enjoyment. It is all a love-play. It is all a love dance. It is all high and good.
A sort of opposite circulation practice to the one just mentioned is called the 'gathering of flower essence’, though sometimes it’s called the gathering of Shakti. We prefer the first name since the latter is used in more general descriptions and the yum is Shakti’s sexual essence especially right at or in the lotus flower. Though much of the previous descriptions of `pollinating the flower’ can be applied here as well, in this practice the man thrusts deep to gather yum essence directly from the woman’s lotus flower. Each time he thrusts to the fullest he takes in a breath and draws into his sacral centre her Shakti energy of pleasure and excitement, filling himself with enjoyment.
Once in a while he can thrust his vajra deep and hold it there as he allows the woman’s yum essence to fill him up as he slowly and deeply breathes it in to his sacral and growing vajra. Still and relaxed in her flower he lets his vajra gather up the yum on the breath and grow even more hard and strong and more magnetically charged with her yum.
More notes to tweak in ..
In American English the most common slang term is cock for the man thing and pussy for the female part; this in reference to a cock being a male rooster who is often sexually aggressive, and pussy referring to a soft and snugly pussy cat. This names seem to have an appropriately suggestive sound and meaning. In the tantra tradition, yoni is a sweet name for the female love part, yet phallus for the man sounds rather scientific and unsexy. In tantric love ritual, yab is another name for the phallus, and yum means the same as yoni. So these are sweet words to use for those sweet parts. Yum is of course a tasty name, and yab seems to be a good name for the part that sticks out and enters the yum.
These are also names used for various positions of love. Yab-Yum is usually regarded as a specific tantric position with man and woman facing one another, man sitting cross legged or in lotus position (if possible) with woman sitting on his hard yab with her legs and yum wrapped around him, and both with arms embracing one another. The movement in this is limited and slow. It is very gentle, yet the sexual excitement will keep flowing and maybe even intensify as desire and love for one another increases the shakti energy.
Yab-Yum also refers to the oral sex position commonly called 69, whereby the man's mouth is at play with the woman's yum, while the woman's love mouth is at play with the man's yab. There are various specific positions of this.
Again in specifically oral sex, yabyab refers to a woman pleasing the man's yab without receiving any mouth from the man; while yumyum refers to a man giving pleasure to just the woman's yum without receiving any oral pleasure himself.
Yabyabyum is when a man is dominate on top of the woman or from the back. Yumyumyab is when a woman is dominate on top of a man, or whenever she is dominate in any other position. This all may sound funny, but sometimes words are fun in the play of love.
Worship and oral traditions
In tantra, the woman worships the Lingam as the divine body of Shiva, Creator of life and pleasure. The male phallus is the personal embodiment of the love and pleasure god himself. The Lingam is often considered as the whole body of Shiva. Shiva enjoys this worship by woman and blesses her with enlightenment and enjoyment whenever she fully surrenders herself to that worship and gives freely to the god with her gifts. Likewise, the man worships the Yoni as the divine embodiment of the Goddess Shakti. The Yoni is considered to be Shakti herself, the soft and wet vagina as her body and the erotic button as her head. Shakti enjoys worship of the Yoni. She loves to be kissed and licked, and she blesses her lover with excitement and delight when he surrenders himself to that worship and gives freely to her.
So, both Shiva and Shakti, the god and the goddess, the Lingam and Yoni, desire to be worshiped, adored, and presented with gifts of enjoyment. The Lingam and Yoni enjoy being directly worshiped by the mouth and tongue. When the man is being specially pleased its called yabyab, and when the woman is specially pleased its called yumyum. Westerners might find these names funny, but they are considered sacred sounds in the tantra. Oral copulation is a sacred act in the tantra. The woman can worship and please the Lingam with her hands and her mouth.
The Lingam enjoys being taken into her mouth as deeply as possible and pleased by her mouth and tongue sensually moving up and down. The most pleasurable rhythm and firmness of this oral loving will be different for different men and for different times, so the woman will have to become acquainted with her particular Lingam, feeling and sensing what he likes best at the time.
The same is true of the Yoni in relation to her lover. Each woman is somewhat different, so the man must learn what this particular lover enjoys and how to best please her. The head of the Yoni may wish to be kissed and licked delicately or more strongly, slowly or rapidly, so the man must develop a sensitivity and rapport with the Yoni as she flows with the enjoyment. A helpful suggestion in learning what pleases the woman is for her to respond with deeper moans depending on the intensity of pleasure, as the man explores her with his lips, tongue, and possibly his fingers. The woman need not be shy in expressing to her lover what she likes, and this expression is most sexy when done through sounds rather than descriptions.
Another helpful general hint for the man is to begin licking and tasting her delicately and allow her to gradually thrust herself more into his mouth, when she is ready. He should hold her gently in his mouth and lick her sweetly, enjoying her soft, wet and warm delicacy, and let her come harder to him, as she gradually comes to trust and open herself to his giving and is able to withstand a harder cotavt with his tongue. Generally, though, women like it more gentle than hard, especially when right on top of her Yoni head. She mostly likes the tongue sliding across her head and exploring just around it. The woman enjoys the pleasurable build-up from the man softly repeating a rhythmic motion of his tongue on her. He can keep this rhythm and gentle pressure steady, and let her move to meet the tongue in the way she likes. Especially near her orgasm she likes the man to sustain this rhythm and pressure while she spontaneously thrusts into his mouth and tongue and moves around it. Generally, the man builds her up to orgasm but she takes it herself on his passively moving tongue, and he allows her to come to him and into him.
The man should remember that he is pleasing not just a part of the woman but the goddess herself, the very sexual essence of the woman. The woman should remember likewise in relation to the Lingam.
The oral love ritual can be a profound experience of giving freely to the other and receiving love from the other. The giver can experience the quality of unconditional loving and find, more and more, the delight of feeling the other’s pleasure and enjoyment. That feeling comes right through the mouth and descends into the heart, where the love grows more for the other. The receiver of love can experience the pleasure of being loved and adored by the other, which can open the heart to the other. The receiver can let him or herself be fully loved, feeling the love from the other delight the sacred organ and fill the whole body with loving warmth and enjoyment. The receiver can experience opening up completely to the other and feel the sense of giving oneself all to the other for them to love and adore. Each lover can give the other the special experience of being treated with unconditional love and worship, a truly profound experience.
Orally bringing the woman to orgasm is a special ecstatic delight for the woman. She usually needs this oral orgasm from stimulation around her Yoni head, because it gives her a complete orgasmic release and completes her sexual experience. Therefore, orally loving the woman to orgasm is wonderful at the near end of the love ritual. This head orgasm is sometimes called the red orgasm, as it feels more fiery and explosive. The orgasm may feel like a kind of super-nova star explosion or it may feel more like a huge gushing release of fiery water. It’s always a supremely powerful and moving experience for the woman. After this complete orgasm, called the head orgasm, she will need some rest from such a direct stimulation, but she will still enjoy her lover back inside her Yoni for deep thrusting.
The deep thrusting can give the woman deep body orgasm, which is felt as different from the head orgasm, though just as enjoyable. This deep orgasm from the man deep inside is felt more deeply within her sacral centre and will often penetrate up her energy channel into the higher centres and throughout her whole body. It is often called the deep blue orgasm, referring to its more watery quality and oceanic feeling. It will sometimes feel like an earthquake rumbling throughout her body. She may feel that she has melted into a great ocean of love and delight. There doesn’t seem to be any limit to these orgasms, and each one may succeed the intensity of the others. Sometimes this deep blue orgasm will concur with the head orgasm when there has been sufficient contact of her Yoni head with his body.
Women love and appreciate oral loving any time during the ritual, and it is especially nice to excite her and open her up sexually this way near the beginning of the ritual, but the man should not bring her to orgasm until the near end of the ritual. The woman can orally please the man at the beginnings as well, but of course should not overly stimulate him to an early orgasm. She can also generously use her mouth on him to get him hard for her in the beginnings or at any time during the ritual. The man can really enjoy this pleasure and let himself fully grow in her mouth, giving himself to her. He should be able to relax in her mouth, though sometimes tensing his muscle for enjoyment and to develop control over ejaculation. But he should realize his limits and stop the woman if he feels near to ejaculation, and the woman should immediately release the pressure of her mouth and either take her mouth off him or remain still until he is ready again. With experience the man can develop a great capacity for this pleasure. He can even experience a kind of orgasmic release without ejaculation, if he can let go to the woman and feel her take him completely and deeply with her mouth. This kind of orgasm is especially good at the end of the ritual if he feels the need for some release, though without ejaculation, saving himself for later.
Both lovers can experience a mutual oral loving if they position themselves to take each other in their mouths. Side to side is very nice, or the man can be on top or the woman on top. This is sometimes called the yumyum-yabyab position or the kamananda position. Here, both lovers can allow themselves to be pleased while pleasing the other. Each can enjoy the feel of the other in their mouth, enjoying the other’s enjoyment and the feeling of giving love, while at the same time being excited and loved by the other. This mutual oral loving is especially good at the near end of the love ritual, whereby the woman can orgasm in the man’s mouth, while the man saves himself for some loving penetration, where he can orgasm without ejaculation and soothe the loving into it’s autumn glow.