ego-centricism

The most difficult work is the sacrifice of ego-centricism and selfish-only desires. Nothing else on the Path is more difficult and nothing else is more significant. This should be posted on everyone’s wall as a reminder. The emotions of ego desires are so strong and egocentricism so deceiving, that the task of letting these go and transforming these energies is almost hard to be positive about. But it is possible. And where one must go from those states is into an attitude of service. Being of service is the positive goal for oneself and probably the only transformative alternative to our usual egocentricism and selfish-only desires. The attitude and goal of service might just be the only way out of this usual hole where average man lives and dies. The hope is that once one sees this hole one is in, this plight of oneself, there might be enough motivating energy to want out of it and be willing to sacrifice this egocentricism and selfish-only desire. The goal of service is a way out.

Another way out, though related to service as well, is developing a compassionate mind. I say compassionate mind rather than heart, because the mind itself has to really be transformed. The heart of course needs to be compassionate, but this is much easier for heart than mind. So the bigger goal would be a compassionate mind, or mind infused with a deep heart love for everyone and the world. You see, we are actually stuck in our ego mind, our egocentricism, like in a hole or a capsule, and most people never get out of this, except at certain moments. Only a compassionate heart and mind, mixed with an attitude of active caring and service, will transform this situation. So the egocentricism and selfishness has to be sacrificed for the sake of a new kind of person, a new me, full of compassion and a desire to be of service.

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Entrapping States Of Mind

There are entrapping states of mind which we need to recognize and then let go of, if we are to go beyond ordinary life into a higher spiritual life. The first is self-importance, and it is very difficult to let this go. This could also be called the I-ego of ‘I’m important’. People tend to walk around with this ego of importance. This can be explicit or implicit. It can be blatant, or it can be subtle. Blatant self-importance is obvious, and the person is not afraid to show it. Subtle self-importance is not outwardly shown, but it can still control an inward state. For example, many people do not want to appear as self-important, yet nonetheless they secretly feel self-important. Thus, a nobody in outward terms can still have an inward sense of self-importance, even if it is the self feeling importance of being a victim or the importance of being humble in the world. This state of self-importance is often accompanied with a sense of being more important than others.

Also related to this is a feeling of being the center of the universe, in the sense that my experience is center stage, and everyone else’s experience is secondary. Thus, it is the self-centered I-ego. But isn’t this rather normal? It is, but it can be transcended, at least for awhile, which is a healthy exercise. The I-ego almost seems a necessary state for being human, but it does not need to dominate life all of the time. So try to let this go, at least for occasional times, for ego transcendence is healthy and balancing. Here is a simple practice, which one will understand only after working with this for awhile. First, the person becomes aware of their I-ness, their self-centeredness, or their feeling of self-importance. Next, begin to consciously breathe this out, as in letting it go. Then keep letting this go on the out-breath. In place of this, begin breathing in the natural world around, or one could breathe in the larger community or even the whole of humanity. What happens is that the I-ego begins to dissolve, the self-importance begins to dissolve, while the natural world or greater human world becomes primary in importance and center stage in experience, rather than I or me.

Another state of mind to let go of is the need to do something, or the belief that one should be doing something. Often, this is a belief or feeling that one should be moving on to somewhere else, or feeling a need to do something other than just being in this present place. This tendency of mind is to not be content with simply being here, but instead wanting to go elsewhere – to somewhere more important or to get on with a task more important than just being here. A person will often feel that they should be somewhere else, or doing something, rather than just experiencing this moment and this place. This pattern is an avoidance of being in the here and now, and also an avoidance of deeply experiencing the present time and place. Thus, it is difficult to simply sit in nature, or sit by a creek, or fully experience being in the present moment. Instead, one wants to leave the place for somewhere else, or leave this not-doing state and get into some doing or work project. One cannot sit still, one cannot simply enjoy being, and one feels one has to get going and do something. We are a society of doers, so it is hard to just enjoy being.

Of course though, doing is important in life. We are not recommending a life without any doing, nor a life where one never moves on. It is a matter of balance. The doing state is entrapping, because it tends to dominate the just-being state. So a balance is needed. But in order to create this balance one has to, at times, give up or let go of the usually dominating pattern of mind, to allow oneself experiences in other states. One has to first recognize this pattern of ego to want to go somewhere else or get going into some project of doing. The ego wants to move on, not able to just be where it now is and enjoy the unfolding moment.

The Taoists recognized such patterns, so they presented a teaching and practice called non-doing. This is also a practice for meditation; since most people who meditate get into a subtle form of doing, like ‘I must do this certain practice’ or ‘I need to create’ this or that effect. It seems difficult for many people to give up this need to always be ‘doing’ something. A different kind of meditation and a different kind of experience is to ‘not-do’ – to allow oneself to just consciously be, or experience just being here where one is right now, without having to go anywhere else or do anything else. There is much to understand from these states of non-doing, or not-moving-on; that is, if one can stay there long enough and not have to go do something else.

The next state of mind to let go of is the need to control self-experience. This need to control tends to be very dominating in the minds of most people. The thought is, ‘I (ego) have to control’ or ‘I have to maintain control of myself’. And of course this psychological pattern of ‘I have to maintain control’ manifests into the outer world as controlling people and controlling superstructures. This pattern of mind is another pattern of the ego. Recalling the themes recently discussed, the ego has inherent tendencies to --- a) believe in its self-importance, b) compulsively having to do things or move on to something else, and c) control self-experience.

It is very difficult for people to let go of this self-controlling pattern, or this belief that one has to control experience. The ego wants to stay in charge, in control; but if all self-experience is controlled, then how could spontaneous experience ever occur? One has to, without fear, allow experience to happen in its own unique and uncontrolled way, without trying to control what happens. Otherwise, experience is not full. If we are honest on occasion, we will recognize this attempt to control experience, instead of allowing it to happen in whatever way. And again, this can be quite subtle, so one sometimes has to practice more self-observation to catch it at work.

Most people want to be in control. This is rather normal, isn’t it? They would like to be control of life and how circumstances turn out and how people are; but they cannot control all of this. But at least they can be in control of themselves. Yet who is controlling? Who in yourself is the controlling one? Who is mostly controlling? Can we allow our self-world or self-experience to be without controls? Can we stop trying to control both ourselves and others?

Self-control is, of course, important in much of life, but is it always necessary? Can we at times let it go, and just see what happens? Let go of controlling yourself and just see what happens. Open your hands and let yourself be and unfold without plan and without control. Stop grasping and manipulating everything. Open your hands and let go. Let yourself be without any controlling, and also without any plans. This is freedom. This is self-freedom. Freedom from the self-controlling ego. The Taoists presented a teaching and practice called ‘yielding’, which was meant as a balance to this ego tendency of controlling. Yielding means to give way to something else and is opposite to forcing one’s way on others. This concept might also be translated as allowing; that is, allowing others or other parts of oneself to have a time, rather than always controlling, demanding, or trying to force life to be a certain way.

The entrapping states of mind described above are deep structural patterns of the human ego, and they can ever be eliminated completely. But of course they should not be completely eliminated anyway, since they are part of human life. It is suggested that they are acknowledged and let go of, because they tend to over dominate our experience. So we are not trying to eliminate these completely, but instead we are trying to move towards a better balance with their respective polar qualities.

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There are other aspects of the self-ego that are actually easier to notice and transform. One is to do with troubling emotions and the other is to do with false beliefs. Letting go of troubling emotions is more obvious, because we can more easily observe ourselves at times caught in a cloud or storm of emotional frustration, fear, anger, jealousy, self-righteousness, or some other powerful emotion. As we will notice, these powerful emotions do not suddenly disappear upon decision, but if we decide to let them go, or give them up, they will soon dissipate. The hardest part, though, is making a decisive choice to let it go, since the emotion itself wants to hold on and express itself. Each emotion is like a living ego in itself, and each believes in its own self-importance.

Each emotion also has a unique structure in our energy field, and some people can see these as an aura of energy or colors. Most people do not actually see colors but instead feel or sense the emotions of others. Each emotion has a definite structure in the energy field, and when active this structure is like a balloon full of energy or pressure, which is trying to release itself. When people feel and express strong emotions, the energy-filled balloon-like-structure is full and in need of an energy release. An outward expression of strong emotion is an outward release of this energy. Yet one can release the energy in a much more subtle way, in a more controlled way, via a conscious decision and a letting go through the out-breath. This is, of course, more difficult to do than simply allowing an emotional outburst of the energy. A third way is to actually use the energy for some other kind of expression, which is a re-channeling of the energy, and this also involves conscious breath. This will gradually transform the emotional structure itself, and this could be classified as a kind of emotional alchemy.

Next :

False beliefs or false conclusions.

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We need to begin with an acceptance of who we are, a self-ego with all sorts of manipulating patterns and defensive reactions, as well as selfishness and vanity. The possible variations of ego patterns and behavior are many, far more than this little study will attempt to shed light upon. A self-study of the ego and a practice self-noticing are virtually necessary along the Path, because the ego preoccupations and deceptions can be so very subtle and hidden beneath our normal awareness, yet so very powerful in our lives. We need to learn about how the ego works. Study from books can be of use, but of greatest necessity is to make a self-study, a study of our self in thought and action, because only by this self-study can we really know what’s going on. And also, only by the process of self-observation can these ego patterns transform. So we have to start from where we are, which is to start from who we are, and we can only know that when we make honest self-observations. Thus, from the spiritual view, we need to see the darker sides of our self, which are those ego patterns that we would not like to admit to. This is known as the harder part of the spiritual work, like cleaning out the stables. It is certainly not a glamorous work, but even the high and royal people have to do it, because you really cannot hire someone else to do it for you. But how is this work done? Self-observation and self-study are the first steps. Sincerity and self-honesty are needed. An ability to experience humility and accept self-embarrassment would also be useful. Love and non-attachment are invaluable. Then finally, there has to be a surrender, a sacrifice, a letting it go.

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There is a need for carefulness and cautiousness. this concerns being cautious about others and the circumstances we enter into, but also concerns are being cautious about our own actions so that we do not make unnecessary problems for create harm or hurt. So we should work with caution in balance with trust; neither quality should be neglected. The ideal would be to be loving and giving, but cautious as well.

We are nurtured by spirit, by God. Trust in this love, yet also be realistically discriminating in life and in self, being cautious and diligent, and not letting the ego and automatic forces take charge.

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We are not meant to be servants to other egos

In speaking about service, the spiritual lovers have an attitude of service towards others. They are ready to serve the needs of others, because they realize that everyone of us are meant to be the hands of God. We are here to serve life, so because each person is a part of life we love to serve them. Yet we should be careful of a few mistakes in this. For we are here to serve the needs of others, but we are not here to merely serve people’s lower egos and desires. We are not meant to be servants to other egos. Well we could be, but then we ought to get paid for this. So when the theme of service to others is considered, we need to consider who should be served -- soul or ego, true need or whimsical desire? And also consider what needs to be done; that is, what kind of service is really needed. The ego personality of another may be demanding or wanting one form of service from us, but what they really need may be something else.

Mostly it is nice to give to others what they want, like serving a house guest the tea they would most enjoy. But we should not get caught in becoming a servant to someone’s demanding ego or compulsiveness. We do not want to merely become a co-dependent to another person’s compulsive patterns. To use an analogy, which could also be literal in some cases, we would not want to keep serving someone the drinks or drugs that their compulsiveness demands, as a way of service to them. Besides watching out for people with compulsive desires, we also need to watch out for people with bloated egos of self-importance, which is the I’m the prince or princess syndrome. Remember, as spiritual people wanting to serve others, we are not really serving a person well if we are merely serving their bloated ego or compulsive patterns.

A common pattern of a self-important and compulsive ego is a domineering approach to others. This is the ‘I’m the Dictator’ or “I’m the master-owner” kind of ego; and so you need to do whatever I demand, and don’t mess up. This approach can be quite aggressive in its demanding and domineering of others. There is also the passive aggressive approach, which is a reverse method for dominating others or getting what one wants from others. For example, the passive aggressive ego might express severe emotional pain when their desires are neglected, or they might position themselves as being a victim, in order to make the other person feel guilty – which would then mobilize action in favor of the one expressing the emotional pain. This subtle and ingenious method of the desire-ego for getting what it wants is called passive aggressive, because it really is an aggressive move on another person – intentionally playing on their sympathy and guilt -- though it is dressed up as a passive expression of victimization. Of course one should remember that these approaches are seldom conscious or noticed by the performers, but rather these have become subconscious patterns for getting ego desires met and maybe also coping with assorted stress.

Another ego approach to others is being a thief. This is similar in many regards to the domineering ego. The thief is a manifestation of greed mixed with a lack of caring about the welfare of others. The domineering ego finds ways to get others to serve them. But the thief simply steals what they want from others. They might steal attention or energy from others, or they might simply steal money or land. Some of the great thieves of history were very wealthy people, because they cheated other people and got away with it through a corrupt economic system and a lack of true justice. Our popular capitalistic system makes ways for those with power or money to make evermore money off the backs and purses of others. The average person is being cheated daily in some way by these thieves, yet most people think the thieves deserve what they have because of their business cunning and savvy. There is plenty of social justification for the economic thief. But one should be asking of oneself: Am I so greedy for obtaining more for myself that I am willing to outsmart others so to gain more for myself, while the others lose out in what is justified as economic fairplay.

One more pattern can be mentioned here, in regards to serving others. This is a potential pattern within the one wanting to serve. It is the ego who wants to please others, in order to be liked and loved by others. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong or neurotic about wanting to be liked and loved and accepted. Right? But a problem arises when one is so primarily motivated by this desire to be liked, loved and accepted, that one has a tendency to do whatever others want or be who they want one to be. This is the socially molded ego. In other words, one becomes molded like soft clay in whatever fashion the social world is most comfortable with. The social world around one, or particularly close friends or family, often imagine certain ways of being that they want you to be. They want you to be this or that way, so that they themselves feel more comfortable and also so that they get more of what they want. So then when you feel this or see how they want you to be; you mold yourself into this image, you become how they want you to be. You become conditioned by their ideals and hopes for you to behave in certain ways, which is often a hope that you will mimic or follow their particular ways of being.

This social conditioning or social molding can be from family or from peer groups, or even from religious groups. But the problem is not so much with the groups; for they will behave as they behave, and they will hope as they hope. The problem is with the one who is accepting this social coercion and surrendering to this force of molding. You are not here in this life to merely become how others want you to become. And if your self-expression is primarily motivated by social acceptance, or trying to please the ideals or norms of others, then you are not really being authentic to yourself. You become merely a social persona, a variety of masks to meet the wishes of others. Rather than being self-authentic, you become a false-self - motivated by social pressures and molded by others. So, our true goal is to serve life and others, but not to become a mere slave to other egos, nor to please others in order to merely be well liked and accepted.

Now what about the ego opposing service. These are, of course, the same ego patterns that the serving one has to watch out for. But what we could consider now is why someone would blatantly not want to serve others. The foremost reason would be that this person is way too identified in their ego of manipulation, compulsive desires and greed; so the very opposite of this would be a self-in-service to others and the world. The next most popular reason for not being on the service path is an ego fear of being unfairly treated like a slave by other egos. It’s like when you think of being of service, you get an immediate image of being slapped around, manipulated and humiliated. And of course as already mentioned, the one in service needs to be cautious about others taking advantage of this service attitude. But fear of others taking advantage of us, if we come into service, is one of the ways to justify Not being of service. The thought is, I’m not going to let others make a slave out of me. So because of this, a person avoids the service path.

Another justification for avoiding service is a demand that others first give to me before I will give to them. This person might be thinking, ‘Yes I will love and serve this person, but only if they first show something to me or give to me’. One could hold an attitude of I am ready to serve, but you go first. Another avoidance of service is a demand for some contract; that is, before I serve you I want to make certain that you will also serve me. So we have to first negotiate a social contract or create some kind of group rule that everyone else must also serve and not just me. I will cook you dinner tonight, as long as we agree that you will recompensate for this another time. This kind of contract does make us feel more secure about service; but if the contract does not look fully secure, this can be one more excuse for not being of service.

But are these fears or concerns really credible justifications for not serving others? Not really, because we can keep a cautious eye out for the abuses to our service, while still maintaining the service attitude and actions. Service is actually a beautiful path, if one remains both loving and awake. It is a way to let the ego go, let go of the ego which always demands for itself. It is a way for the ego patterns previously discussed to transform or dissolve.

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Another justification is that everyone needs to work for their own achievements – the capitalist view; or/and that each person’s circumstances reflects the indiv work they put in.. (the capitalist and protestant and sometimes karmic view.

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Remember the common ego patterns:

Pleasure vs pain

Attention vs being ignored

Acceptance vs rejection

Control vs allowing

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My self image, and all beliefs about myself, could easily be delusionary and based on personal bias – a propensity to see myself as much more grand than I am, or as somehow superior. This may be a feeling of moral superiority as a substitute for physical or skillful superiority, and some people may feel as superior victims. There are various ways to achieve ego self-importance, all based on self-delusions. On the other hand, many people have negative self-images and hold patterns of self put-downs; these too are self-delusions. All of these are false selves, false egos.

True freedom is from the false delusionary egos. Which may involve de-structuring therapies.

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Desire and ego: the following needs editing moves and also adds with other stuff somewhere else.

Each desire as its own ‘I’, its I-desire or I-want. The ‘I’ is defined or known by its desire. This is the ego-I of the desire, and this ‘I’ is a power that tends to preserve itself. Each desire also has its own thought, which is the thought of this desire. And each desire has its unique intelligence. There are two parts to this ‘intelligence’. One is practical, which develops strategies for achieving the desire. The other is a rational intelligence, which rationalizes and justifies itself and defends itself against opposing arguments. Similar desires, those with common goals, then begin to work together and form larger desire-egos, kind of like nations or tribal groups, and each of these also have an ego-I, thought and intelligence. Most people do not actually have a completely cooperative psyche world, but rather their psyche is a complexity of these ego desires, some cooperating and some in opposition. What we might call personal psychological work is partly a working through of oppositions and battles within the psyche, to hopefully and eventually produce a harmonious psyche world. Usually though, several larger desire-egos become dominant in the personal world, rather than just one. What can finally unify all these desire-egos is a higher purpose, acknowledged by all of the main egos as a common goal (purpose or need). This higher purpose will be an acknowledged ‘purpose of life’ or ‘spiritual purpose’.

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Each ego is an I-self or self-identification, and it is also a directive power. Yet what mostly distinguishes ego is its directive or controlling power, which is the main function of ego. This directing power is motivated by a desire-for and has its own intelligent strategy. What is being directed or controlled are one’s mental, emotional and physical energies, trying to achieve some goal or desire. The experiential sense of ego is being in control and working towards achieving a goal. The ego very often feels, ‘I’m at work’, or ‘I need to get to work’. This is the essential experience of ego, and it should not be regarded as negative. It is what it is. The human being is who he/she is by nature. Our energies need to be directed, and ego is the function responsible for this. The directing ego also has to sublimate certain impulses, in order to get practical results. That is, the ego has to take charge and not let mere impulses rule. We might call this concentration of the ego. It has to focus somewhat, and not simply allow awareness to drift here and there. Without ego, our actions would be unfocussed and ever-shifting by the forces of changing impulsive desires.

The ego component corresponds to certain emotional and mental components. In other words, the three components interact together. For example, the ego correlates with intelligence in the following way. Each ego necessarily correlates with: a) certain system of beliefs about its corresponding main desire, b) intelligent strategies for achieving success in this desire (or goal), and c) rational justifications for its importance.

The ego also corresponds to desires. Each ego corresponds to either a desire-pattern or rational goal. In fact, each ego could be described as an I-desire (or I-want), or in goal terms it would be I-intend-to-achieve. It only seems that all these different desires have the same I-self, but this is just because they all share the common experience of being I-desires. Essentially, every ego is an I-desire with some kind of intelligent strategy for achieving success. Yet there may be success or not. If there is no success, then ego will either struggle more to achieve or it will acquire a give up sense of despondency.

Note that desires and goals are very similar concepts, almost the same, but that we use the term desires in reference to emotionally based motivators and that which seems to derive more from our physiological base, while the term goals (and also values) are in reference to rationally based motivators or that which is derived from reasoning and intelligent thought. Nonetheless, both desires and goals have a motivating component and an object component. That is, they both motivate actions (as well as re-actions), and they both have a general object in mind, a hoped for outcome or something to achieve. Note also that the motivating component of both desires and goals is emotional, while the object component is mental. Thus, desires tend to be more motivating oriented, while goals tend to be more object-in-mind oriented, though both components are essential.

So distinguishing desires from goals is somewhat useful-pragmatic; although, we can interchange the terms without any large confusion. For example, a desire for succulent food and sex can also be described as being one of our goals in life – to have lots of succulent food and sex. You might see how one term more emphasizes the emotional or physical based motivation, while the other term emphasizes some degree of rational thinking and decision involving these as desired objects. Going the other way, for example, a rational goal for being successful in one’s vocation can also be described as a desire for vocational success. The term ‘goal’ tends to emphasize the object-in-mind, while the term ‘desire’ tends to emphasize the motivational drive.

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Add this to part about desire and ego: (Note also that this might be a repeat..)

Desires can range from actual important needs to frivolous wants.

Each desire pattern has some degree of ego. If high in ego, the desire has more intentionality and strategy involved. If low in ego, the desire is more impulsive and more reactive and without much thought. It also has less strategy and less self-consciousness (I-ness). If a desire is low in ego, then consciousness energy is also low and self I-ness gets lost in the impulsiveness of the desire. On the other end of this scale, a desire pattern will have more developed ego, which means more intentionality, thoughtfulness, rational strategy, consciousness, and I-ness. There will be also more sense of control, and also more of rationalizing or justifying with reasons. So to summarize, desires range from having more or less intentionality, thoughtfulness, strategy, rationalization, consciousness and I-ness, which are the traits of the term ‘conscious ego’. With less of these ego traits, a desire will be more impulsive, thoughtless, irrational, and more spontaneously emerging from our subconscious.

Though, this does not mean that ego-desires are always out front in the conscious mind. On the contrary, ego-desires most often rest in the subconscious. They rest, or hide away as it were, and then emerge into our waking consciousness in order to get satisfaction or at least some recognition in future plans. So even though a stronger ego-desire has more intentionality and I-ness, it often settles underneath waking consciousness, and thus it can then be called a subconscious ego-desire. This requires some extra thought to understand. The impulsive-intentionality distinction (or range) still holds true, but we are adding another dimension to the model, as it were, which is a designation about where a desire presently is, either resting in the subconscious or active in the waking consciousness. Some of the resting desires still have more ego, that is, more intentionality and strategy and capacity for I-ness; while some other desires will have less ego, less capacity for I-ness, and emerge more impulsively from the subconscious.

We can see this model at work in human development. Beginning childhood stages show less ego developed desires, that is, desires with less of the ego traits. These early childhood desires manifest impulsively, without much thought or strategy, without much conscious control, and without much I-ness. As the child develops there is gradually more I-ness in these desires, more self-control, intention and strategy, and in later stages there is more rationalization and justification for these desires. As well, in this gradual development of the overall ego-self, the many separate desires become more integrated in what we might call an ego-system, as the psyche develops from fragmentation to integration. However, psychology must admit that, even in normal functioning adults, there is usually still a lot of fragmentation and competition of desires within the overall psyche. So even through later adulthood, the development of self-integration, especially in higher and more complex ways, is still needed.

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Ego and personality are similar, but not the same. Sometimes ego and soul are juxtaposed, but sometimes personality and soul are juxtaposed. Yet to be more precise, the ego is part of personality but not all of it. So personality includes all of normal thinking mind, emotions and body, as well as the personal ego.

Personal ego has two main functions. One is to direct other aspects of the personality. Thus, it is the director, the captain, the will, the power of intention within the personality. Its second function is to provide I-ness, or self-identification. When one says or thinks “I”, this is the ego. I am ego. One might describe their ego (I-ness) as the essence or core of their personality. Though one could say or think “I” in a larger sense - to include one’s mental, emotional and physical aspects; then this would mean the personality.

Also part of the esoteric teaching is that ego (or personality in a larger view) can be infused with soul. Soul is an individual portion (or reflection) of the Universal Being/God. In esoteric Christianity this is the son of God, or the divine child. Each soul has all of God knowing and God qualities within its own essence (or potential), yet its major purposes are to realize evermore of this and also to express these divine qualities in particular realms of life (or into manifestation, called the lower world). Soul is who one Really is. In some spiritual languages, the soul is called the Ego, using capital letters to denote distinction over the lower ego of personality. So we could say that soul is the True Ego, true self, true I, and it can become the true director of personality if lower ego become infused with soul, and eventually in the ideal process what was once the directing ego is annihilated or absorbed into the soul, so what was once a lower ego is now a higher soul. In other words, one’s inner soul has its own self-consciousness and also directing power (that is based on its wisdom and love), which might hopefully become the true director of personality self – of my mind, emotions and body. Yet, this does not automatically happen and the inner soul cannot simply take charge of this life called my own. For at first it is rather weak in power, compared to the physical body and its immediate needs. Then it is weak compared to the power of one’s developing emotions and developing reactive patterns. Then it is also weak compared to the newly developing thinking mind which is, on one hand, ingesting ideas and beliefs from its social environment, and on the other hand, it is developing reasoning and its own belief systems. And finally, the inner soul is weak compared to the developing self-directing power of personal ego (of the growing child and then into adulthood as well) – which is trying to survive socially and get what it wants – and this is mostly necessary at early stages in one’s life. So, with all these personality powers at work, the soul is usually weak or we might say it is ignored or neglected. However, the inner soul is usually still at work, at least to some extent, in the personal development, but its directing power remains somewhat subtle, general, and only partially influential. Also remember that the lower ego can actually oppose the inner emerging soul, if it thinks the soul will upset its ego desires or plans. The lower ego-power might then become defensive in relation to the emerging soul, and thus try to resist it, suppress it, or even oppose it. This creates various kinds of personality neurosis because of the conflict within the psyche (even if not at a conscious level).

{footnote: psyche is a term meaning the totality of personal ego/mind/emotion, and in the core of each psyche is its inner soul, so one could say that psyche also includes the soul within it, and in dreams and meditation the inner soul and its qualities may be envisioned by various possible forms in the psyche experience.}

Thus; ego and personality can become a divine reflection, to the extent it is soul-infused or soul-inspired or soul-empowered. Yet often, this ego/personality is too immature and resistive and not sincerely true to its more inner real qualities of being (that is the soul).

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The purpose of being in judgment states is that we work through it. we experience it enough that we then want to move on to finer experiences.

Also we are here because past souls-consciousness’ are here with us, and this is in need of redemption-transformation.

So why people doing what they are doing?

Because they are serving as potential instruments of past-redemption. ..

Maybe rewrite that

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How to deal with negative situations or unpleasant encounters.

No one can completely remove themselves from the rest of life. And who would want to, anyway? Each of us encounter the world, whether it be other people or other beings of the natural world. We are continually meeting up with others, encountering, relating, responding to and being affected by. So for the sake of thinking, let us divide these encounters into two kinds – positive and negative. Positive encounters are those we think are good and feel are enjoyable, to some degree. Negative encounters are those we think are bad or feel painful in some way. This of course is quite a simplified classification, but at least it starts off the topic. Some teachings tell us that we should not be dividing up experience in such a way, or that we should not be making distinctions between good and bad, or between enjoyable and painful. But realistically, we need to begin with who we are, including our normal ways of thinking and feeling. So dividing experience into positive and negative is really quite normal, and we should accept this honestly.

Now, there is no problem with the positive encounters, so let us leave these be. Yet there is a problem with the negative encounters, and that is why they feel to be negative – because they seem to be problems. So we need to consider these negative encounters and figure out what the problems are, and hopefully we might actually solve or transform those problems. At the basis of negative or problematic encounters are two forces (or sometimes more than two) at odds, or two forces with contrary directions. That is, there are at least two forces meeting but each is trying to go in different directions. If two forces meet and are going close to the same direction, then they merge harmoniously and even strengthen each other. But with problematic encounters, the forces are not going very much in the same direction, or they might even be directly opposing. So here is the problem, which makes the negative experience, the pain, or the feeling of frustration, or the anger, or the fight. Two different agendas, two different directions, two different desires have encountered one another. Or maybe the problem is an encountering of two different beliefs about what is the right way to do something. So sometimes, people have a similar agreed upon goal, but they differ in what they think is needed to do to get to that goal. One person thinks they know the best way to proceed, but the other person has a different idea; yet they both are working in the same job so they have to work together. So these are a few of the possible problems in interpersonal encounters.

Two different agendas, or desires, bump into one another. Or two different beliefs about how to proceed bump into one another. And this is the basis of most social conflict. To put it all even more simply, two egos bump into one another, which causes some friction or sometimes pain if they bump too hard. But let us consider the easier cases of friction, frustration, tension, disappointment, and generally not knowing how to really solve this problem.

The first step to consider is that we are smarter if we begin altering our own reactions and agenda, rather than expect or hope that the other will somehow change to accommodate our agenda. From each ego-self perspective, obviously each would prefer that the other ego-self give up their particular agenda, desire or idea, while accepting one’s own. And this is the kind of interaction that often takes place; that each side will proceed to make every possible attempt to manipulate the other, or somehow change the other, or convince the other to come over to one’s own side and be at one. Each side wants harmony, peace, love, and teamwork going in the same direction. Yet, each wants such goals accomplished in their own particular way; which is usually a hope that the other will simply change their desires and beliefs in a way that harmonizes with one’s own. So no wonder there are stalemates in most social conflicts. No one really wants to budge from their own agenda, desires or beliefs.

This is why the first smart step is to consider how to change one’s own agenda and one’s own reactions, instead of trying to get the other to change theirs. This doesn’t mean to completely submit to the other. It doesn’t mean just giving up and surrendering to the other ego. Rather, the step to take is a movement towards the other; not a complete submission to the other, but a movement towards them. This is a movement towards helping to satisfy what they are needing. In other words, it is a movement towards fulfilling some of their agenda, their desires, or their direction. This eases some tension right away. The deeper key here is to stop viewing the situation from just one’s own point of view, or from just one’s own agenda or desire or hope. As long as one is holding fast to one’s own point of view, nothing will really change. And first, I need to get out of my little box, my little ego perspective, rather than expect the other to get out of theirs first. Eventually, we both need to expand our view to consider the other as well as our own agenda. But we cannot just wait for the other to consider us; we need to first consider the other. These problems never get solved until one person budges a little out of their ego box and personal desire. Someone needs to make the first move out of themselves, or a move to empathetically consider the other’s wish. So rather than expect the other to make the first move, it is much more mature to make the first move oneself.

Other steps are important as well. One is to do with our reactions. Reactions often get us into trouble, or they often make problems even worse. Remember that reactions come from the ego-self that is caught up in its own perspective and agenda. So any automatic emotional reaction to someone else is already caught up in the ego struggle and will only intensify that struggle. Reactions can never solve problems; they only make the problems worse. Thus, one important key is to self-notice our reactions and not simply get caught up in them. Remove yourself from your limited ego perspective, and a way to do this is to work at seeing the other’s perspective. So the suggestion is two-fold: not getting caught up in one’s automatic reactions, and trying to see the other’s perspective. A third suggestion is to always let go of any personal reactions. One might learn why there is a reaction, and maybe there is even some righteous justification for it; but there is never any use in holding on to a reaction, let alone to give it more energy. For instance, sometimes a reaction of anger might be justified if there is a perceived injustice or unfairness. We might then accept that there is some justification for the anger or frustration, and acknowledge that there is some degree of injustice at hand; yet there is no use in holding on to a reaction, and only we can let go of it.

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How to deal with negative situations or unpleasant encounters.

This was cut from mac notes)

(we have already talked about how egos fight with other egos to promote their own agendas, interests, and beliefs. And the only solution to this endless battle is when one side listens to the other’s side and makes some effort to fulfill the other’s wishes or hopes. But if the other is continuously demanding and does seem to respect one’s own needs, then another solution is needed, because it is not fair for one side to become slave or puppet to the other).

Another helpful principle is non-reaction. This is difficult because reaction is so automatic and energized by powerful emotions. Also, what tends to occur is that one person will be reacting to another person’s reaction, and then another reaction will be set off, which will then set off another, and this back and forth chain reaction will just keep getting worse. And sometimes the people forget even what set it all off in the first place.

But what helps to restrain emotional reaction is some degree of cognitive thinking about what one is reacting to. The first question to think about is how important is the statement or action that caused the reaction. Very often we are reacting to quite small things, quite trivial stuff. So when we intelligently see how small this is, we can more easily let go of the reaction. However, sometimes a situation happens, or a person does something, which cannot be simply seen as a small thing. For obviously it is possible that big deals happen occasionally. Still, the problem will be increased by an automatic reaction. A truly good solution can only come from a combination of cognitive intelligence and compassion. Solutions to bigger issues require a thoughtful intelligence, not an automatic emotional reaction. And compassion is also needed, because nothing is really solved if love and compassion are left out.

There are two important points here to remember. One is that often we get upset by quite trivial stuff, which is not really worth making so much a deal about. Don’t make a big issue out of little stuff. Second is that the best solution is usually to just let go of the reaction. Letting go is always up to us. No one can do this for anyone. To let go of a reaction is totally up to you. But just think, the more you can let go of such reactions, the more you have become a master of your life. If you can’t master your reactions, then you cannot master your life. Being able to let go of a reaction may sound like a little thing, but really it is a huge mastery.

Similar to letting go is forgiving. Forgiving is a solution to blaming and resentment. Resentment is often built up regarding others, or even large groups of people or nations, because of certain things done in the past. We blame them for negative situations or for our own distraught, and then we resent them. Usually, such blame seems justified. Maybe it is, though maybe not. But even if it seems justified, the only solution to blame mixed with resentment is to forgive or let it go, and move on to a real positive relationship. Holding on to blame and resentment will simply get us nowhere. So forgive. And forgiveness has an added quality of blessing in it, in other words, it is both a letting go of previous blaming resentment and a blessing of love in recognition of the others’ spiritual humanness. Forgiveness is saying that one is letting go of past resentments and also giving that person (or group) another chance to be friends and have a caring relationship.

Also realize that we should not be expecting to always get what we want, that others will give us what we want or that others will behave as we want. Once we realize how silly it is to expect such harmonization from others, our lowered expectations will help us not get so disappointed and upset by others. Sometimes we have to adapt to situations or to others; rather than always expect others to adapt to us.

Every ego’s tendency and world view is that ‘I am the most important being on this planet’. Everyone should listen to me, agree with me, and praise me for my obvious virtues. I should get what I want, and people should agree with me and harmonize with me. This is the normal ego-centric view. The world revolves around me. So I expect others to do as I hope and to harmonize with me. And I get upset or react when they do not. This is the common ego perspective.

Another problem to do with perspective is in how we understand the intention of another’s action or speaking, or their meaning. Sometimes people do things or say things, which we see as negatives or personal attacks, but they did not really intend it that way. In other words, there are times when we do or say things that hurt or offend others, but we don’t really mean it that way. So sometimes we are reacting to negative expressions from others, yet they did not intend it to be negative. This could be called unintended mistakes, and we all make these at times. So, rather than simply reacting to others according to our own perspective about what they meant or intended; we need to hold back on our immediate judgment and try to see what they actually intended from their perspective. Likewise, we sometimes misinterpret what others really mean by what they say. And so we might be reacting to a misinterpretation. Just like we might be reacting to something unintended.

Another guidance on how to deal with negative situations or people is to accept and even appreciate these situations, because they present beneficial challenges for our spiritual growth. These negative situations give us spiritual work. They give us psychological challenges and opportunities for human development. They challenge our habitual, automatic ego patterns of reaction or upsetness. One of the great opportunities in being confronted by negative situations, brought on by other ego-people, is in noticing our own reactions. The negative brings up some reaction, which our cognitive intelligence can then notice and learn from. So the negatives help show us about how we emotionally react. And from this self-observation, there is then a possibility for self-transformation -- IF we are able to

1. not get totally caught up in the reaction,

2. observe the reaction and understand its perspective,

3. intentionally and intelligently work out a new solution.

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Much of any solution to negativity, as given to us by experience or by others, is really to do with ourselves, that is, how we react or the attitude we have to negative experiences. If we have an attitude of accepting negatives as useful challenges, then at least we have found something positive in the experience. I think it makes sense to still call certain happenings negative, but we have found a way to find something positive in these, or to change them into positives by how we respond and make use of them. If a car breaks down in traffic, it seems sensible to still call this a negative event, but much of the negativity changes into positive if we can make use of this as a challenge. If one is in a relationship where one is being abused or unfairly treated, this is still a negative but can make something positive from it by treating it as a challenge to deal with, and one will grow by this challenge, and very possibly the challenge might be to gather enough courage to either confront the person or leave the person.

Similar to this perspective of ‘negatives as challenges’ is a perspective or attitude that negatives can be positive learning situations. If we can learn valuable and useful insights because of a negative situation, then we are getting something positive from it. We should be able to learn from any situation. Though sometimes what we have to learn is how to cope with negatives, or sometimes we need to learn how to challenge and transform negative people or institutions.

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Psychology of interactions emotions and reactions

The more common manner of emotional interaction between people is reaction upon reaction. For example, person A says something or does something to person B who feels insulted or threatened so then reacts emotionally to person A who feels insulted or threatened so then emotionally reacts to person B, and so it goes on. It usually just gets worse and a fight ensues, or else one person withdraws from this back and forth pattern, yet nonetheless holding onto the memory and the resentment about it. Though there are many possible emotions that could be involved in such interactions, this pattern is often similar. One person says something or does something, which the other person feels or thinks is either insulting, wrong, or threatening. The primary emotion here is usually anger. What is said or done, whether it is actually meant to be negative or not, is being perceived as negative by the other person. This is the first point for person A to rationally consider, if their words or actions result in anger by person B. Person A needs to understand something about person B, which is that at this moment person B is perceiving their words or actions as insulting, wrong, threatening, or in some negative manner. This perception by person B might be unjustified or simply mistaken, yet nonetheless this is how person B sees it. So first, person A needs to understand that person B is upset about something; then, person A needs to figure out what this is. This would be called ‘getting to know what the emotional upsetness is about’. Yet, person A needs to remember that it’s not important or useful now to argue about if the perception of person B is right or wrong, justified or not. What’s important is to know that there IS a perception behind the emotional reaction, and then it’s also important to find out what this perception is. Note that we are labeling this as a ‘perception’, though it could also be called an ‘interpretation’ of what has been said or done. The other very important task for person A is to refrain from reacting immediately and automatically to person B’s emotional reaction; but instead, bring attention from the emotions to the mind, in order to rationally consider the other person’s reasons for their reaction. Person A is becoming, as it were, a psychologist, figuring out what is going on in this other person. Of course this can be a difficult task if the other person is yelling or insulting or threatening; for it IS difficult to refrain from automatically reacting back in a similar pattern. You see, one person in this back and forth pattern of emotional reaction needs to take the mature initiative to refrain from automatic reaction and, instead, rationally consider the other’s perception which is causing their emotional feeling and reaction. One of the battling parties needs to break free of this emotional merry-go-round, this back and forth battle, and move on to a more rational road whereby they might begin to understand the perceptions and perspective of the other party. Once there is some degree of understanding-the-other, then there is a possibility for person A to help resolve some misunderstandings or perceptual exaggerations. This is not to suggest that all conflicts are easily resolved. Some conflicts are only resolvable by negotiation and compromise. Some conflicts are only resolvable when one side finally realizes that their desires are not realistic. Yet, in many cases, much can be resolved in any conflict by resolving misunderstandings and mistaken perceptions.

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Anger (but this is about much more..

Anger might be a natural state we go through at times, but anger is basically without any use. It doesn’t really help change anything or anyone. But know, that in life there will be people who do stupid or bad things, or who bother us in some way. So our natural reaction is anger. But this anger doesn’t help transform those people. We need to first realize that anger isn’t going to change anyone. Second, we need to realize that we cannot expect to change anyone. Each person is in their own slow process of learning and maturing. Don’t expect to change anyone, and don’t expect anyone to suddenly change.

But, we can positively influence another by our own quality, by who we are and the qualities we have that can inspire others.

Each of us on this spiritual path are evolutionary transformers. That is who you are, an evolutionary transformer. This means that you are an evolutionary inspiration for many others, whether they are conscious of this or not. Every person is in a process of human evolution, which is to become a complete and real human being. This is what the whole spiritual path is all about. It is to become a real human being. But realize that a real human being is also a spiritual being.

Everyone is really on this path to become a complete human being; yet most people just don’t know they are on a path. And this path can be very slow if one is not conscious and intentional in it.

But the message here is that we can help positively influence anyone we meet, to help them forward onto the next step of being a complete human spiritual being, or onward in their evolution, by being the fullness of who we are and by being free in expressing this fullness, because we influence other’s evolution by way of the inspirational qualities we share.

So instead of being angry at those who let us down, or who do not live up to our ideals, or who are simply idiots; dance your own being and radiate your own positive qualities. For them, you can be an inspiration for what is possible. For them, you are the next evolutionary step. Show the way, by the quality of your expression. Be the example, the leader, or at least be the truthful one.

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Theme: anger

Anger is an emotional reaction against a believed injustice. Most of our anger reactions, in any day or week, are in regards to threats or actions against ourself, though sometimes we feel angry about injustices to others. The latter form of anger would seem justified. Yet is anger justified, or ever justified? Our mind is good at justifying all kinds of emotional reactions and patterns. The better question to ask is if anger is a useful or effective reaction. We might have a good excuse for being angry, and feel it is justified; but is it useful or effective? Most of the time, anger seems to cause more problems. For example, anger at another seems to cause a reactive anger in them. So is any success coming from this anger? Anger at world injustices (outside of one’s separative ego-concern) seems the most justifiable kind of anger, but is this useful? In some cases, it does seem to mobilize actions to protect others or the environment, and actions to help remove injustices. But even in these cases, the initial emotion of anger is best transformed into an intelligently methodical action, rather than remain as angry emotion. For again, anger leveled against others tends to beget reflective anger reactions, that is, anger tends to create more anger which is not helpful in transforming others or the world.

So the best practice is to transform anger into a more useful, practical energy, which involves a willingness of the self-in-anger to let it go and transfer this energy into a more practical, successful response. In this way, we could say that anger helped get things moving at an initial phase, but it then has to be transformed into other kinds of energy and response. The pure will-to-good mixed with a loving intelligence, which are divine-soul qualities within us, are much more successful in helping make life and the world a better and more fair place. So in comparison to this pure will-to-good, anger is not useful at all.

It may be a difficult self-practice, but well worth it, to just decide to give up any anger when it arises, and stop justifying it or making excuses for it. That itself would be a big step in self-transformation. Yet before we let it go, or channel this energy into some other response, it would be good to understand why the anger arose. If it arose due to a real injustice or offense, then we can make some intention to resolve this or teach others what would be fair or wise. Yet if we see that our anger is predominantly due to our ego-self reacting against not getting what we want, like a little child screaming about not getting what it wants, then this is a good time to let go of that ego-attachment and cry-baby reaction. Sometimes we need to take a deep breath, then let it go, and then move on. Don’t get stuck in your own self-attachments and selfish concerns, nor in anger about not getting what you want. Move on.

Moving towards gratefulness, rather than resentment.

Stop justifying ‘doing for myself’.

Reorient self-interest to the interest of others.

This is transformation of ego.

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theme:

Battling egos

Cooperating egos

And souls in harmony

Renounce ego-bloating, fame and reward. Sufis renounce the self rather than renouncing the world.

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The human psyche is the personal mind/emotional being.

What composes the human psyche?

Most simply, a psyche has three parts: emotional, mental, and ego-will.

The ego-will is both a self-identification (the ego-I) and a directive power (the ego-will), which combines to make an experience/action of I-will. A human psyche will usually have multiple egos, though in a fully mature person (rare) there will be a kind of self-hierarchy of integrated and cooperating egos, with one overall directing ego at top, and this top ego will also be a sort of captain in service to an even higher divine power and purpose.

The mental part of psyche includes thoughts, beliefs, opinions, facts, memories, strategies, justifications, reasoning, defined values and goals. It also includes all of the mental intelligence abilities. Thus the mental part is comprised of mental abilities and content. These mental elements are interrelated with corresponding emotional elements.

The emotional part of self mainly includes desire patterns and reactive patterns, and also emotional memories including traumas and shocks. {footnote: we are speaking here about consistent patterns of desire; not, for instance, an occasional desire for ice-cream}

Reactive patterns are developed in reaction to not achieving a desire, or threats to not achieving a desire. This is the connection between desires and reactions.

Another emotion is apathy. Apathy could be a kind of reaction to believing that one is not going to achieve a certain desire. In other words, if one feels pessimistic and unhopeful about achieving a certain desire, a possible reactive pattern might be apathy, to give up caring about this or avoid even trying to achieve it. For example, if someone is pessimistic about ever meeting a good partner, they might develop a reactive pattern of not evermore caring about the whole issue, or in other words, an apathetic pattern.

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Add or as footnote concerning psychology: (this relates to contraction)

Psychological pathologies may arise, due to a combination of personal predilection and weakness of certain human capacities. One of these pathologies is autism. Autism is an extreme and uncontrolled form of consciousness contraction, which shows itself as extreme focus on self sensations, thoughts, emotions, or on external details. It is like a muscle in a spasm of contraction. And in this contracted state, the autistic person is closed off to energies and stimuli that is outside of the focus. This is why they appear to be oblivious to the local social and physical environment.

Virtually opposite to this pathology is attention deficit disorder. Those with attention deficit have difficulty concentrating and focusing, because they are over sensitive to the energies, movements, and conversations around them. They have difficulty concentrating and also gaining a sense of peace and quiet inside, because their local environment is over stimulating and distracting them, especially social energies.

Another pathology is schizophrenia and a related pathology known as multiple personalities. In its extreme form this is very rare, but in milder forms it is more common than recognized, because we are essentially talking about multiple, un-integrated egos within the same person. This un-integrated psyche is more common than people think.

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THEME:

Ego’s favorite patterns. ….

Comfort, pleasure, vanity, pride, selfishness, …. Selfish calculation

The lower self-ego is mostly motivated by its self-preservation, its pleasures, its comforts, and its attachments. And it will defensively resist anything that threatens these motivations.

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fear and hate only arise when love has not been activated or experienced.

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Personality habits and desires cannot always be easily trained, because: a)they have power in themselves, b)they do not wish to be changed, and so c)they resist change. Higher intentions do not have ultimate power over all these personality habits and desires. Therefore, transformation of these personality parts (or ego-desires) requires personality (ego) surrender and cooperation. There needs to be a surrender from those parts of our personality that are inharmonious with higher intentions and resistant to higher intentions. In other words, the resistance needs to surrender and give up to the higher intention (or higher self). The ego-desire (that is inharmonious with higher intentions) needs to voluntarily surrender and sacrifice itself. This is, of course, a big step. It requires a sense of self-responsibility. This responsibility, this sacrifice and surrender, must come from I. Each ego-desire or each part of the personality is an 'I' unto itself. That is, at the moment when this ego habit or desire is dominant and resisting, it is the I of the moment. So the experience/act of surrender has to be "I surrender." I am the very subject in need of surrendering. I am the subject in need of transformation. It is not something else, not something other than me. For at this moment, I am the one who is resisting, so I am the one who must surrender. Nothing else will do. I must surrender and sacrifice myself. Thus, transformation depends on me, on my own willingness to surrender myself, sacrifice myself, give up myself. It's a big step, the biggest step. I must allow the higher intention to work through me, cooperate with this, and finally to become the vehicle for higher intentions.

add: It also involves an attitude of piety and humility, in relation to something Greater than oneself, or in relation to a Higher Intention (or Higher Will).

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